December 31

Happy New Years sweet girls.

I am completely astounded that this year is wrapping up. 2013 was a wonderful year for us, but also the worst year of my life. It was the year I found out I was pregnant with my sweet baby girls, my first babies, my miracles. It was also the year I had to say goodbye to them, to see them for one last time, to say goodbye to our futures together. I guess I would be lying if I said I wasn't glad to see it go, but I also feel weird and torn about entering another new year. In 11 days, it will be your birthday, your first birthday. Seriously? I just.. Idk. I saw us getting ready for a big princess themed party , and dresses and pink and just, a bunch of girly stuff. But actually I will be figuring out how to celebrate a birthday for my daughters who are in heaven, not here to blow out their candles or smash cake..

I miss you both so much. I wish we were all bringing in the new year together. All of us, together like it's supposed to be.

My love for you is forever girls, forever and always. Never ever forget how much you mean to me Alena and Jamie..

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
A long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

December 30

My baby girls,

I'm missing you a lot today. I've been having a hard time figuring out how to feel, how to balance my feelings, my thoughts. I miss you both so much. I'm so scared more and more time is going to pass, more things are going on and stuff is changing, not for the bad, but I'm scared of what things are to come. I don't want to leave you behind, I don't want to miss out on stuff with you. I guess that's what I need to come to terms with, what I need to accept. But how does one do that? How does a mother accept and move on from losing her children?

I want you to know how much you girls mean to me, how much I adore you, how much I love you and miss you. We are so blessed to have you as our daughters , blessed to have our family, blessed to call you our own. I love you my sweet baby girls, I love you forever & always

Goodnight my sweet angels, thank you for watching over all of us.
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

December 29th

Hey baby loves,

Not much to write today. I am actually writing to say our nightly good nights and I love yous. I'm not feeling really well and will probably be heading to bed soon.

Goodnight my beautiful baby girls, I love you and miss you both so very very much. Thank you for being our beautiful blessings, our miracles, and watching over all of us every day. I love you both so much.

Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as im living
My babies you'll be.."

December 28th

Hello darlings,

Today was another moving day. We are pretty much all the way in. Just little stuff to do now. Sometimes it seems like it will never be over . I'm very thankful we have so many people that are I willing and able to help us, it means a lot. I Really wish you girls were here to see the house, it would've been perfect for all of us.

My beautiful girls, I wanted to write and say goodnight and I love you both so very very much.
Always & forever

Xoxo. Mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

December 27th

Hey baby girls,

Today has been kind of a hard Day. I was a little busy this morning , cleaning and running around, but  I've had times to think, and they've been hard.. This day last year was the day I went in to the doctor to check something I was worried about and finding out I was going to lose you two... Also the day I found out God had blessed us with two beautiful little girls...

Looking back, it was a day of excitement to find out I was having two little princesses,but also a day of heartache and anxiety being told many times it was very likely it was our last day together. I remember freaking out, and then telling myself to calm down, that I wasn't helping either of you in freaking out. I remember so much , and my heart remembers so much of the pain..

My sweet girls, I cherish our time together. I miss every moment I had with you, not knowing it was going to be so little. I miss you both so much. I want to wake up every morning and reach for you and smother you with kisses and love. I just want you to know how strong my love is for you, how my heart aches and misses you both .

Our guardian angels, thank you for watching over all of us.
I love you, always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

December 26th

Hey pumpkins,

I miss you a lot today. I was talking with grandma about how much I wish you were here, and how I wish I could have saved you, how sorry I am that I couldn't.

I love you both so very very much. I hope you know that, and how I would do anything to have you here. I know you girls are watching over us, and keeping us safe. Thank you everyday, for being here with us.

Goodnight my sweet angels, I love you very much.

Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Christmas

Merry Christmas my sweet girls,

Today didn't go as bad as I thought, or honestly as Angela and I were talking about, we have no idea how the day was really supposed to go. We just got through it.

Daddy and I exchanged our gifts, and then went and spent the day at grandmas. It was nice to be with everyone. We were really missing you girls though, as I suspect we will every year.

Goodnight my beautiful girls, I love you both so very much. Thank you for being the best present I've ever received , along with your little brother. I've never experienced such a joy as finding out I was gonna be a mom.

I love you Alena Marie and Jamie Rae. Merry Christmas my loves. You are with the very reason we are celebrating today.

Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Christmas Eve

Merry Christmas Eve little girls,

We went to mass tonight at 6 and then went to your aunt Ashley's to exchange our "kid" gifts? Idk if that makes any sense. We also gave Delaney her gifts tonight too.

When we were at church, I was thinking about you both.. And how I can remember exactly what I was wearing, how I could feel you two moving in there, how big my belly was getting, and taking the last picture I ever had of being pregnant with you two..

I can't believe it's going to be a year, I just can't. I can't believe Christmas is still coming, even though you aren't... Idk it's all really weird and just, I feel I may be living in a fog some days, or watching some one else's life through their eyes?

But I miss you both so very very much, and wish we were spending Christmas together tomorrow. But you are here in my hearts, so very deeply I love you, and you're all here with me.. No matter what.

Goodnight my beautiful angels, thank you for being our guardian angels. Thank you for watching over all of us girls..

I love you, I love you always& forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

December 23

Hey sweet peas,

Daddy and I brought the animals over tonight , getting them used to the new house. We are pretty much moved in. We still need to move some stuff, but overall we are doing pretty good.

I brought all your memorial stuff from the house and put it on the mantle in the living room here, but when we bring the mantle from the other house we will be putting all of it in our room. I think that will make me most happy, have all your stuff super close to me..

Goodnight my beautiful angels, I love and miss you both so very much.
Please never forget how much I love you baby girls, never forget that..

Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

December 22

Hey baby girls,

I'm so sorry I did not get to write you last night, we did not have internet at the house last night..

We have been very very busy, moving, packing, unpacking, cleaning.. Just a lot going on. Daddy made me decorate the little tree tonight. I put your ornaments we made you and the butterflies grandma and grandpa got you at the top, because you are our angels.

Goodnight my sweet beautiful girls, I love you tremendously. Thank you for being our guardian angels, and watching over all of us,..

I miss you..

Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

December 20th

Hey girlies,

I'm writing to say goodnight. It's been a long day, I'm very tired. I always feel bad when I don't have a lot to say, or when I just say goodnight.. So im sorry girls...

Goodnight my sweet peas, I love you both so very terribly much. I miss you so much.
Thank you for watching over us, all of us, for being our angels.

Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
 As long as im living
My babies you'll be.."

December 19th

Hey sweet peas,

We went to group tonight and made ornaments for you girls. We don't even have a tree up , but I'm going to have your ornaments out.

We are going to try and move in some more this weekend, well the big stuff anyways. I realize I keep writing about moving, but it's all we've really been up to lately.

I can't believe Christmas is in 6 days, I can't believe almost a whole year is gone... I just can't.

Goodnight my sweet girls, I love and miss you both so very very much.
Always & forever

Xoxox mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

December 18th

My sweet loves,

I got some more packing done today. Daddy went over and did some more painting. Grandpa is supposed to be moving the rest of his and grandmas stuff out of the house, and then hopefully we will be moving some big stuff over to the house. As exciting as this , it's also exhausting. I feel like I never want to move again, already.

I can't believe we are getting so close to your birthday, missing you both for so long. Some days this still feels like something I'm going to wake up from, that this didn't really happen, that it's not real life.. And then I do realize I AM awake, and it's all real.

I miss you two girls so so much, I feel so broken at times. I just want to be able to scoop you up in the mornings and smother you with kisses, and love you so much and so hard you think I'm a crazy mom.  I miss your beautiful faces, and love you both so very much. Thank you for being our guardian angels girls, for our blessings , and for watching over us.. All of us.

I love you baby girls, always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

December 17th

Goodnight my beautiful angels. I love you girls both so very much .
I miss you and wish so much you were here every single day.

Love you babies..
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

December 16

Hey sweet peas,

We got the carpeting one in the house today. Daddy has some painting he wants to do still but we are going to be able to move in pretty soon. I've already been packing up a bunch of stuff.

Tonight daddy came home early and surprised me with peppermint milkshakes and made me dinner. It was so sweet and nice because I've been so tired because of work and us going to bed so late and working all day, but I know we are very lucky.

I miss you baby girls, I miss you both so very very much.
I love you with my whole heart, my whole being.

Goodnight beautiful girls.
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

December 15

Hey love bugs,

Today has just been a very frazzling day for your mom. We are moving and painting and just a whole bunch of stuff, and I feel like nothing is getting done. This house is just full of boxes, we get home so late we are eating dinner late and are starving and I feel I am slacking with that. The other house is just chaos because we are getting it ready. And you know your momma, I can't handle this stuff being this out of control, or feeling like it is super out of control. This whole week We have been going to bed late and waking up early and just.. Idk. But enough about this stuff.

Daddy took down the small tree for us to set up, but I'm still just not feeling it.. If we put it up, okay, if we don't, okay. It's just kinda weird, I don't really know girls. I really wanted to do just a pink and yellow tree for you girls this year, but idk if I'm ready for it? I just was ready to celebrate this christmas all together, and with it being your first.  But you'll be spending it on the most beautiful place you ever could..

I love you my sweet beautiful girls. I love you both so very very much.

Goodnight my angels, know I miss you tremendously.

Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
 My babies you'll be.."

December 14th

Hey my sweet angels,

It's been a busy day over at the new house. I cleaned the kitchen today and painted some more trim. Daddy has been painting something furious. We are trying to get done as soon as we can. Daddy is definitely moving a lot faster then me.

I miss you girls very very much. I love you Alena and Jamie. I think about you two all the time, wish you were here with all of us. I just always want you girls to know that, and to know that I am sorry , I am truly sorry every day.

Thank you for being our guardian angels , for watching over all of of us . You girls mean so much to all of us, and we miss you so much. Thank you.

I love you both so much .
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be..."

December 13th

Hey baby girls,

Sorry I'm writing you so late tonight. Daddy has Been working late at the new house, and I've just been coming home and getting ready for bed, doing a little reading on stuff. We both have the weekend off, so we will be over there once again this weekend. Daddy obviously is doing a lot more of the painting then me, granted he won't let me do much of it anyway.

Thank you my baby girls, for being our guardian angels and watching over all of us.. I love you both so tremendously much.. Much more then you could ever know. I miss you sweet girls.

Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

December 12

Hey sweet girls,

11 months. Sometimes on these days I have no idea what to say.. Just at a lose at how time flies by, but goes so slow.. How I feel so lost at times. how i feel I've aged a thousand years, but am stuck in the same place.. I just don't know.

Not a day goes by that I don't bring you up in conversation, or think about you, or talk to you girls... I miss you both so terribly much and wish we were all together.

I love you Alena and Jamie, I love you very much.
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" ill love you foreverv
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

December 11

Hey baby loves,

Mommy is so tired tonight. Although your daddy would say that I always am.

Tomorrow is going to be 11 months. I really can't believe that. I can't believe how long it's been, but also I can't believe how fast time has gone by. I'm not really sure where we go from here. I guess we just keep going day by day , just like we've had too. I don't really have much of a option to do anything else, huh?

Goodnight my beautiful baby girls, I love you both so very very much.
Thank you for looking out for all of us, and being our sweet guardian angels.
I miss and love you girls.
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
Ill like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be..."

December 10th

Alena and Jamie,

Daddy and I have been working at the house tonight, just got back a little bit ago. I don't have much to write tonight, I'm so tired from working and then coming home and working on the house, so I will just say goodnight my pretty baby girls. I love you both so very very much.

Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

December 9th

Hey pretty girls,

Rain rain go away. It's been raining and cold here all day today. Hopefully for not many more days. I'm okay with it being cold, but like one of my clients said today, with the Rain it just chills you to the bone.

I hope you two know how much I miss you and love you. I wish so much we were all together, getting you ready for your first Christmas, our first Christmas pictures as a family.. Just a lot of firsts I wish we had to have together..

Goodnight my beautiful angels, I love you and miss you both so very very much.
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

December 8

My baby girls,

Not much to write today. Daddy is home, we are gonna try and really get into the house this week. Finishing up painting and carpeting and stuff. Hope all goes good with that...

I'm so tired today. The weather went from really warm the other day, to really cold and rainy today, it's crazy. I like the cold, just not the rain or nastiness.

We are just trying to stay busy, things are just hard right now.
I miss you my sweet girls, I love you both so very very much.

Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Goodnight girls

December 7th

My dear girls,

Tonight Carly and I are over at grandma and grandpas . Your daddy and aunt niki went to visit his parents. We are also watching the big ohio state & Michigan state game. Your uncle and daddy I'm sure are going back and forth picking at each other. I haven't been watching too much, I've had a horrible headache all night.

I miss you both so very much. I'm having a harder time now that Christmas is getting so close, I feel every day I am breaking down in some way. It's just gonna be an easy time. I'm not even sure I want to put up decorations, or a tree. Daddy wants to, but idk. I just am gonna try and stay busy and think of all our wonderful , special time together girls. I'm gonna try..

Goodnight my sweet angels, I love you both so very very much. I miss you terribly and wish I was holding you now, kissing you and snuggling you up real tight to me. I'm sorry I'm not home to say goodnight, but know that I love you Alena and Jamie Roush.

Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

December 6th

Hey my baby girls,

Your aunt niki is visiting today. We've had a nice day visiting with her. We got to show her the new house a little bit. This weekend we might try doing a little bit more.

The weather was really different today. It was really warm, 76 degrees! It was really pretty, especially at night time, I love the weather like that at night.

I miss you sweet girls. Niki and I talked about you a lot today, about how much we miss you and love you both. Which is so very much my beautiful girls, much more then I'm sure I could ever say, write, or tell..

I love you Alena Marie and Jamie Rae, I love you both tremendously.
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

December 5

Hey sweet peas,

Tonight was grandmas birthday. We went over after dinner to do presents and cake. Your aunt Emily's cake turned out really yummy, everyone loved it.

Tomorrow I am going to pick up your aunt niki from the airport. She is coming to hang out with us for the day and then your daddy and her are going to see their parents. We are going to try and really get into the house working this weekend, but we shall see how that goes.

We haven't put up Christmas decorations yet, I'm not sure when or if we are going to. I want to get the tree up at least, I have decorations to put up for you girls.

My heart aches for you both so much, how I truly do miss you and wish you were her, every single day. I love you my baby girls, I love you truly both so very very much. Thank you for being our guardian angels..

Goodnight my darlings, may you never forget how much we all love you..
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as im living
My babies you'll be.."

December 4

My sweet girls,

Momma is prolly gonna head to bed pretty darn soon . I'm starting early tomorrow and gonna be busy. Plus, the weather has been really crappy lately, real overcast and dreary, just kinda puts you in a weird mood.

Tomorrow is also grandmas birthday, so we will be going over there later to do cake and presents. Your aunt Emily is supposed to be making grandma some sort of pumpkin cake she wanted, so I hope that turns out really good for grandma.

We are just working on getting through the holidays, getting everything wrapped up for those, and trying to get things ready in the other house.. Staying kinda busy , trying to.

I miss you both so much. I wish more then anything you were here. Thank you so much for looking out for all of us, for being our guardian angels. You two girls are everything to me, and I love you both so very much..
Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

December 3

Hey love bugs,

I think your momma is coming down with a cold or something. I'm hoping it is allergies, but I am thinking its a cold :(

Today was an okay day. I wasn't that busy , just had a few clients. Next week is gonna be a busy week though. Your aunt niki is also coming in to see us on Friday so I will be going to pick her up.

I miss you two so very much. I hope you know how much I truly love you both.

Goodnight my sweet girls, I love you .

Always & forever
Xoxox mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

December 2

Goodnight my sweet baby girls,

I love you and miss you so very very much.
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as im living
My babies you'll be.."

December 1st.

Hey my baby girls,

Today is the first day in December. Daddy is getting ready to finish up his exams for school, and we are working on over at the house. I feel we will definitely be working a lot more once school is over.

I love you both so much, and miss you terribly. I am finding myself having some hard nights lately. I am trying to stay strong, but sometimes it just doesn't work. Poor daddy is having to help me a lot. It's just hard to imagine our first Christmas not together.

I miss you my beautiful girls, I love you both so very very much. I hope that you know that, that you always will know that. Never forget it, because I'll never stop loving you.

Goodnight my beautiful sweet girls, I love you and miss you.
Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

November 30.

Hey baby girls,

I've kinda had a hard day today missing you both. Been thinking about you both here lately so much, although I do all the time anyways.. We are just coming up on a lot. Christmas, your 1st birthday.. Just a lot. As much wonderful things The Lord has given us, life has also dealt us some crappy hands. Losing you two is by far the most hardest, worst pain and heartbreak I have ever felt in my life, and I know I'll never recover. I believe I will make it through this, but I will always know this.

I know you sweet little girls are watching over us, and have blessed us in so many wonderful ways. I know you are here, and continue to be here. I'm so proud and lucky to be your mom, to have such pure hearted beautiful children. As much as my heart aches for you and how I miss you so much, The Lord is taking care of you, and you know only good.. And I couldn't ask for more, because you deserve the world.

I love you Alena Marie and Jamie Rae. Thank you for hearing my prayers, and watching over all of us. I love you two so terribly much.
always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as Im living
My babies you'll be..."

November 29

Hey sweet peas,

Just a chill night over here. Daddy is doing hw and I'm about to pass out, I'm so tired.

We are probably going to go over to the other house and make a painting day tomorrow. Your daddy wants to try and get in before Christmas... We shall see.

So I will say goodnight girls, and that I love you both so very very much.
Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

November 28

Happy thanksgiving my sweet girls,

I am thankful for you two, for all the wonderful feelings you brought into our lives, and continue too. Thank you for being our sweet miracles, and for the time we spent together, which I shall cherish forever. I love you both , with my whole heart, my whole being. Thank you for being our guardian angels, And watching over us.

Goodnight my sweeties, I love you.
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

November 27

Hey sweetpeas,

We are just getting ready for thanksgiving  tomorrow,  I thought maybe we would have it at our house this time, since we do everything always at grandmas. I hope it goes over good.

It will be hard not having you here, especially for Christmas. I'm very anxious about it.. I'll be thinking about you all day tomorrow, and wishing so much that you were here.. Like every single day.

We had to say goodbye to brigette today... We have had her for over 13 years. I remember when we got her. She helped us through a lot a really hard time. She truly was a wonderful, wonderful animal. I remember watching her in the snow up north , bury herself and then jump out of it like a deer! She truly loved being outside. We will miss her a lot .

Just a sad day. Like grandma said, it made me start thinking about you girls, and how short life is, and how little it can be. Yours was so short,, too short. You are forever missed Alena and Jamie.
I miss you my beautiful girls,I miss you both so very very much.
I love you , I love you. Always & forever..
Xoxox, mommy

Goodnight Alena & Jamie

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

November 26

Hey sweet peas,

I'm writing again just to say goodnight.. I don't have much to say, and sometimes I feel I'm just saying sad stuff, and I hate just writing that to you girls.

Goodnight my sweet angels, thank you for looking out for all of us, for being our beautiful baby girls.
I love you both so very very much,
always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as Im living
My babies you'll be..."

November 25

Hey sweet peas,

Just checking in to say goodnight. I'm very tired so i think I'll be turning in pretty soon. 

Goodnight my beautiful baby girls, I love and miss you both, so very terribly much.. 

All my love, 

Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy 

" I'll love you forever

I'll like you for always 

As long as I'm living 

My babies you'll be.."

November 24

Hey sweet peas,

Today we woke up and went to church. Afterwards, daddy went to the house to paint, and grandma aunt Emily and I hit a couple of stores to shop, but didn't find much at all. We've been home after that, just working on homework and bible study too.

Just a couple more days until thanksgiving. I have been trying to finish up all the Christmas shopping,I think we are almost done. The weather has gotten extremely cold, I know I've been telling you that a lot, but we are down in the 40s now, and getting cold at night.. Below freezing! Definitely almost Christmas time weather.

Goodnight my sweet baby girls, I love and miss you both , bunches..
always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

November 23

My sweet girls,

Tonight we went over to Kari's house and had our salon party. It was a really nice time. We ate dinner and then went outside to sit by the fire. That fire didn't have anything on the weather though, it is so cold tonight. It's going to be cold the rest of the week too, we are down into the 40s brr...

I wish you were here. I wish we would have gotten to take you to grandma and grandpas tonight, and picked you up for church in the morning.. I wish we were doing everything we are supposed to be doing if you were here. I truly miss you two so so much, my sweet girls. Thank you for watching over all of us, thank you so much for being our guardian angels.. We are truly blessed to have you two.

Goodnight my beautiful baby girls, I love you so very much.
Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as im living
My babies you'll be.."

November 22

Hey love bugs,

Hitting another weekend. We have some plans this weekend, but for the most part just gonna be listening to daddy type away on the computer doing homework, and me finding something too do. He has a lot right now, but the semester is over december 4th, so I know he is very much looking forward to that.

I miss you two, I miss you both so very very much. I hope you will always know that, because I will never stop loving or missing you girls with all of my heart....

I love you Alena Marie and Jamie Rae.
Always & forever
Xoxo,mommy

" ill love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

November 21

My beautiful girls,

Tonight we went to group. It was about surviving the holidays. Sometimes I don't realize how sad I am or was , until we get together and talk. Just guilt , I honestly can feel so guilty at times girls. I just think I will always feel guilty , because I'm your mom and couldn't take care of you like I should have. But gees, enough about that..

Our next meeting we are going to be making ornaments for the tree for all the babies. I am looking forward to that, because if we weren't doing that I was going to buy you both one for the tree. I think I'd like to buy grandpa and grandma one for theirs one year too, I'm sure they would really like to see something of yours on their tree.

Goodnight my beautiful baby girls, I love you and miss you so much more then you could ever possibly know. Thank you for watching over all of us, for being our guardian angels. You two are so amazing, so so so amazing.

Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

November 20

Hey baby girls,

Waiting you late tonight. I got asked to come in and sub at the school tonight, so I went and did that for a few hours. It wasn't too bad.

I miss you too, so very much. We have another group meeting tomorrow night, this one is about surviving the holidays... Hopefully it really will help us and give us some ideas on how to get through them , somehow.

Goodnight pretty girls, I love you both very much.
Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

November 19th.

Hey sweet peas,

It is starting to get really cold at night. I'm going to bed and waking up everyday with a sweatshirt!!Getting close to winter.. Your daddy still tries to turn the air on at night, tries being the key word, that's not happening.


I think so far we are making it, some days Im not. Just a lot sometimes ..heavy on the heart, as always. But I'm always thinking of you girls, and loving you everyday as much as I can.

Goodnight my angels, thank you, and thank you for being the beautiful blessings you are.
Love you SOMUCH
Always & forever

Xoxo,mommy

"I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as Im living
My babies you'll be.."

November 18th.

Hey there beautiful girls,

Tonight we had another bible study, it went really well. Everybody was really tired though, your aunt emily has to be at work at 4 in the morning tomorrow, eww.

I don't have much going on today, we are pretty boring people. I can only imagine how exciting and crazy our lives would've been with you two here. It would've been so amazing. But I guess I just hold on to the memories I have, of what we shared together.

Goodnight my beautiful baby girls, I love you both entirely with my whole heart.
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

November 17

Hey baby girls,

I'm feeling kinda poopy tonight. It's probably partly the weather, it's been rainy and kinda chilly today. I lit a bunch of candles this morning and turned on the Christmas music , I know it's early and We are silly but it just seemed like a nice day for it! It's crazy how November becomes Christmas season. It's like everyone flips a switch after october 31.

I'm not sure how I'm going to be , the closer we get to Christmas...I'm actually kinda nervous about it. But I am going to try and not dwell on really sad things to much, although it can be very hard...

Goodnight my sweet beautiful baby girls, I love you both so very very much.
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as im living
My babies you'll be.."

November 16

Hey my sweet girls,

Today's been a typical Saturday when daddy and I have the day off together. Just running around doing whatever, or staying home being around the house all day.. Not a bad day at all.

Your grandpa is really getting into Christmas right now, already listening to the music. That's not surprising though girls, he loves Christmas and could listen to that music year round. I know you would love to see how he decorates the house, it always looks great.

Well, I miss you two so so much. I think about you all the time, and miss you all the time.
I love you my beautiful girls, very much
Always & forever

Goodnight Alena and Jamie..

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

November 15

Hey baby loves,

I found out something a little mind boggling, I guess you could say..
Do you remember in the hospital when I sang you " I'll love you forever..?" Well I write it every night on this blog to you, and i sang it. Your aunt Ashley sent me a link about why the book was written , and where the inspiration came from..

The man that wrote it lost two babies with his wife, and he said when he lost them , those were the words that came to him, and they were originally a song, but years later he wrote a book for them. I cried girls when I read that, honestly. I just.. I have no words. It felt so close to my heart, so crazy.. Even if you were here I know I'd be reading that book to you, or saying the song to you every day. I loved that book when we were little, your grandma would read it to us all the Time. She loved it too.

I just miss you both so much, and I feel so torn at times, I truly do. I'm fighting so much, trying not to lose all hope all the time. People are probably tired of talking, of listening, of going over things over and over.. But if they don't know, they don't know..

Anyways loves, I'm writing to say thank you. Thank you for being MY inspiration, in more ways then one. Thank you for watching over us, all of us. I love you Alena Marie and Jamie Rae, I love you both so very very much.

Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

November 14th

Hey sweet peas,

The nights are getting colder and colder. Pretty soon it will be winter, even though the days are seemingly getting warmer. We are supposed to be getting back into the 70s next week, so I'm not sure what is going on with the weather right now.

Your grandma got Carly this really cute bright pink diamond studded collar, it's so cute. I always wanted one of those for Kira, or a studded one. I thought that would look so cool on her. I wonder sometimes if Kira is in heaven with you guys or how that works for animals and humans,, I feel I should know that, but I don't. I hope you are all together... She would've loved you two, and I know you would've loved her.

I miss you too so much. Things get awfully lonely and quiet around here when I am by myself., and I find myself wishing you here so so very much.

I love you so very much my beautiful baby girls, I love you a lot.
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Goodnight Alena Marie and Jamie Rae, I love you both so terribly much.

November 13

Hey sweet girls,

Today i took your cousin Laney out to lunch. We had a really good time. I know you two aren't even close to being old enough to play like that, but I wish so much you were here to play all together. I know she would just love you both to pieces, and you two would love her so much back. She would be like a little mommy to you.. I'm sad she won't know you for so very long..

Goodnight my beautiful angels, I love you both so very very much. I miss you.
Thank you for watching over us, for being our guardian angels, our blessings.

Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Goodnight baby girls.

November 12. 10 months.

Well,

Sometimes I wonder..

Another month girls, it's been 10 months since we saw you face to face, and had to let you go. I struggle some days to remember ,but then there are other days I can remember so vividly it feels like my heart is breaking all over again. It's just a mindless never ending cycle I suppose.

I hope you beautiful girls are happy, I so wish with my whole heart and soul.
I love you beautiful angels, I love you Alena and Jamie... I miss you so much.
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be..."

Goodnight my beautiful butterflies, I love you terribly .

November 11th.

Hey my darlings,

I believe tomorrow i am going to order the paper lanterns I want to send off for your birthday this year. I feel we need to keep doing something, and especially on your birthday,, It needs to be really special. We may make a cake or something of that sort, I just don't know how I'm going to get through singing happy birthday...

Goodnight angels, I love you both tremendously and miss you terribly. My sweet sweet girls, I love you so much.
Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

November 10

Hey my love bugs,

2 more days, 10 months. We are so very fast approaching a year, and i don't know how I'm gonna feel about all that..

Goodnight my beautiful angels. Thank you for another day, and for watching over us and being our sweet angels. I love you girls,I love you both so very very much .

Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

"I'll love you forever
Ill like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

November 9.

Hey girls,

Daddy and I had a little date night tonight. We haven't dressed up and gone out in a while, and your dad decided to take me out. It's really funny how fast I get tired , and just wanna get back home to pjs and blankets. I feel I've really gotten old lately... Although I also feel some days I have aged a thousand lives, thinking about losing you, and what that's done to me.

I feel so different at times, that I'm struggling but getting by. Sad , but okay. Life is so different now, I never saw or felt myself ever being like this. I feel so desperate at times, that I am grasping at straws. I know I was anxious before, but my anxiety can be so crazy at times.. I don't know if I'm really happy, i dont know what I am girls. I feel stressed and tired and just crazy, honestly crazy. I'm so boring, and just.. I feel like nothing a lot. I wish I didn't feel like this, I wish I was okay. I wish you were here, and I wish I felt like something. Idk ... I'm just lost. I know you will help me find my way, I know you girls are here for me & I love you both so very very much for it.

Thank you for being there, for watching out for us.. I love you my sweet girls, I love you both so very very much.
Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Goodnight girls

November 8.

My darlings,

Daddy wanted to have a fire tonight, so we hung out outside for a while. It was really cold, but it was super nice to be out there. We are looking at getting snow next week, that is absolutely crazy. Right now the weather has been staying around 50-60s , but it's definitely gonna be getting colder soon.


I was staring at the stars, thinking about you girls, wondering if you were looking down thinking the same things I was..

I love you my beautiful girls, I love you so very very much. I miss you Alena and Jamie..
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be..."

Goodnight baby girls.

November 7.

Hey sweet peas,

Another post to say goodnight. On these days i hate that I don't have much to write, but I feel bad just writing a bunch of silly stuff or non interesting things , when I want these posts to mean something. I know , like I just said I don't have a lot to say at times, but this is something I can do for you.

Goodnight my beautiful Angels, mommy loves you so very dearly. I miss you so so much.
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll loveyou forever
Ill like you for always
As long as Im living
My babies you'll be.."

November 6th

Hey pretty girls,

Accepting you being gone can be done some days, some days are harder then others. I wish I could check in somehow , but honestly it would be silly because I know you are in a much better place then we are in. That's where I guess faith comes in, to believe you are safe and happy and taken care of. I don't doubt that at all, it's just hard because I'm your mom, I'm supposed to be doing that.. It's my job.
But you girls deserve the best of everything , absolutely everything, and that's what heaven is. As hard as it is for me to accept you being there..

I love you Alena and Jamie, my sweet little girls. Thank you for the wonderful things you've brought into my life, for watching over us. For guarding us.. My angels. Love you so so much.

Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Goodnight girls.

November 5th

Alena and Jamie,

Tonight we had another bible study. I felt this one really spoke to me about you, about us, about how we are supposed to work through this.. To get through this together. To stay strong in our faith and realize that God is here, through all of this, and that we will be reunited again. I say this with some conviction because it hurts to be saying this to you, to continuously remember how you aren't here, and just.. Idk. But I want to be strong, and be the mother you girls deserve.

I love you my sweet angels, I love you both so so very very much.
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Goodnight girls.

November 4th.

My sweet girls,

This time change is really messing with me, I'm so stinkin I tired I can barely keep my eyes open. It gets so dark so early now, you feel like its time for bed when it's just dinner time,, it's very weird.

I miss you sweet girls, I love you both so very very much.
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Goodnight my beautiful angels.

November 3

My love bugs,

Today has been a weird day of sorts you could say. We woke up early and went to church, daddy worked on his homework all day again , and I did some things around the house . I haven't been feeling well today so I guess we are all ready for bed.

Goodnight my beautiful baby girls, I love you both so very very much. I miss you terribly, every moment of every day.. I miss you.

I love you Alena and Jamie, goodnight.
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

November 2.

Hey sweet girls,

Today was a hang out day. I got up early and did some shopping with grandma, and daddy did some work on the house with grandpa. Then we came home and he finished up schoolwork . I went over to pat and Ashley's for a tailgate party they were having. We also went to a bonfire our friend was having, so that was pretty nice to get out and see some different people. It's gotten pretty cold lately,we had to sit/stand so close to the fire so now I stink like it.

I think we are doing okay. I am honestly just taking it day by day still. Obviously some are still harder then others. But I know you girls are trying to help me, I just know you are.
Thank you darlings, for watching over us, for helping me, and being our girls.

I love you both tremendously, so so so very much.
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be..

Goodnight Alena Marie and Jamie Rae.

On to November..

Hey sweet girls,

I'm writing to say goodnight. I went and talked today,I think it did me some good. I hope so at least.

My dear girls ,i love you tremendously and miss you both so very very much. Thank you for being our baby girls, our miracles... And for looking out for us and for being there. Thank you my darlings.

I love you very very much.
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy
"I'll love you forever
Ill like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Goodnight sweet girls.

October 31

Happy Halloween darlings,

Our neighborhood doesn't get hit with many trick or treaters, it's kinda small. I believe there was some walking around earlier. I'm watching the nightmare before Christmas, it's one of my favorite movies.. I would've made you watch it with me, I know you would've liked it like your momma does.

Today was an okay day today. Daddy has still been pretty busy with homework, so that's been leaving me to kinda just be by myself. I'm very proud of him , he really has been working hard even though he's not a fan of school at all. He's been doing really good girls.

I wish so much you were here.. Here with Me. Here with us..

Goodnight my beautiful angels, I love you both so very very much.
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

October 30

My dear girls,

Halloween is tomorrow. It would have been your 1st. I had a lot of different ideas I had thought about for you two. Princesses, thing 1& 2..just fun cute different costumes for twins. Well I actually had a lot of ideas , for a lot of things. Just another something to accept and get used to I guess..

I'm not trying to act like people need to feel sorry for me, or feel bad for me. That doesn't help anything or change anything.. Nothing does. I just miss you both so much, and certain times are harder then others, because we got cheated of the lives we were to have together, the memories to share and create, the love.

My sweet girls, you are in a much safer and better place then I could ever have made for you.. But it doesn't mean I don't miss you any less, or am less selfish. I miss you girls, I really do.


I love you girls, I love you so so so very much.

Always &forever

Xoxo,mommy

" I'll love you forever
Ill like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

October 29

My sweet angels,

I'm having a hard time tonight. I was looking at your u/s pictures, and just keep realizing how those will be the only pictures we have of you , that we will ever have.

By the time we could even do 4d u/s , we couldn't even get one of you Alena, you had lost so much fluid. Jamie is so little in hers, and I remember the day so vividly. I was laying there with my hand on my head in a fist and the u/s tech goes " look, she is posing just like her momma." I remember laying there at those u/s loving seeing you, but so scared everytime we went, because we never knew when would be the last time... I so regret we never got a good 4d picture of you Alena, because it's all I have, And I needed one of you.

I can be strong girls, or at least try. That's what I'm trying to do it right now, because I know you would be mad at me for certain things if I wasn't at least trying. I just, gosh I miss you both so much, I just truly truly miss you, and my heart aches for you girls every single day.

I love you my sweet , beautiful, miracle baby girls.. I love you darlings.
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be..."

October 28

Hello my darlings,

Today I slept a little too much, if there is such thing. That 12 hour class was definitely tiring.

Daddy and if haven't been up to too much lately. He has been studying and doing stuff for school. He doesn't seem to like it much at all, I know he keeps saying school is not for him..but he is doing really good. I know you are proud of him girls.

Things are okay, like I always say.. We have our good days and our bad. I feel I always have the worst days, but your daddy is just a lot stronger then me , I know he is.

I miss you both so very very much, somedays I can't even get through it, make a way through it. My sweet sweet girls, I love you so terribly much. And just want you to know, I just need you to know. I need you to know how much I love you, how much you mean to me, how much I miss you. Don't forget me baby girls, don't forget me..

Goodnight sweet peas,

I love you , I love you my sweet girls.
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

October 27

Hey girls,

I'm really sorry this is going to be a short post again, I had continuing ed for over 12 hours today , and I am so so very tired and don't feel well at all. I'm so sorry my sweet girls...I'll write more tomorrow.

Goodnight my sweet beautiful girls, I truly love and miss you both so much.
Anyways & forever

Xoxo, mommy
"I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

October 26

Hey love bugs,

Mommy has a long day of continuing end tomorrow, so I am very ready to go to bed. I will be gone for about 16 hours tomorrow... LONG day.

So i am writing to say goodnight and i love you both very dearly. Goodnight my beautiful angels, may I dream of you tonight. Thank you for another day today, for another day of watching over us.

I love you so so much girls.
Always & forever

Xoxo,mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be..."

October 25

My sweet girls,

I love you. I just want you to know that. I feel cheated , I feel you are cheated. Because i can write you on here and tell you, and I can pray and talk to you somewhat, but it's not the way of showing you how much you are loved in the ways you should be. My dear girls, I can only hope you know how much you are, how much you are loved and missed, and cherished in every way possible.

Goodnight my beautiful angels,I miss you so much and hope to dream of you tonight.
Thank you for watching over us, and taking care of us.
I love you baby girls, i love you both so very much.

Always &forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.. "

Oct 24

Hey sweet baby girls,

It has started to get so cold, but it is so beautiful. I really love fall. As long as the sun is shining , the weather is absolutely beautiful. I still wonder a lot if you guys have weather changes in heaven, but I'm sure if you do , your seasons are so much more beautiful then I could ever imagine.

Things are okay here, we have our good and bad days I suppose. That's really all I can say to anyone, honestly. I get tired of the questions.

Goodnight my angels, sleep well and know that I love you truly so much and think about you often. I wish you would come to me, let me see you somehow. I miss you.

I love you Alena and Jamie.
Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be..."

Oct 23.

Hey sweet girls,

This momma is about to pass out. Just had to get on on and write my girls.

Goodnight baby girls, I love you both so very very much.
Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Oct 22

My sweet girls,

I love you, i love you both so very very much. Not much anything new today, you know your momma doesn't really have much, kinda boring.

Good night my beautiful baby girls, I love you both with my entire heart. I truly miss you, so very much.

I love you.
Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Hey baby girls,

We have started Another bible study group again. This one is called Gideon. I think it's going to be a really good one, I am excited to see how we go along In it. I appreciate being in these groups and learning how to be a better Christian, to be a stronger Christian, and to be a better person. I'm doing it with your aunts again, so that will be nice.

Things have been okay around here, as always we have our good days and our bad days. Daddy is always here helping me get through mine. I personally don't feel that I help him, I'd like to think I do because I truly want to.. But idk.

Thank you my sweet angels, thank you much for always watching over us and being ours.

I love you my sweet baby girls, I love you both so very very much.
Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy
Goodnight Alena and Jamie

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be..."

I miss you two so very very much, somedays it is so very hard to breathe..

I love you my sweet baby girls, I love you Alena and Jamie...so very very much..

Thank you for another day, and another day closer to you girls.

Goodnight angels,
I love you truly so much.
Always & forever

Xoxo,mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as Im living
My babies you'll be.."

Hey baby loves,

The weather is definitely cooling down now, I believe we are definitely in fall now... But we never know living in the south, weather changes it up.

Hung out with everyone later today, grandpa cleaned out the fireplace downstairs so it was really wonderful to sit by a fire again inside, I love it. Especially in the basement. You girls would really love it, so much room for your toys and things to get in to... Grandma would have her hands full..

I miss you love bugs, I truly miss you both so much. Another night of reminiscing , another night of thinking of you both.

Goodnight my beautiful girls, I love you and miss you both so truly very very much.
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

No titles

Hey loves,
I never have many titles to put on your blog posts, well I guess sometimes I do but not always. I guess I don't really have anything to put as a title... Idk.

Today was an interesting day to say the least. Thank you for watching over all of us, and being our guardian angels sweet Baby girls. I love you both so very very much.

Always & forever
Xoxo mommy

" I'll love you forever
Ill like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Hey pumpkins,

Today wads definitely a fall day. The weather was cool and we got some rain, it was on and off and not too hard but it was no took her rainy day. I went over and hung out with Laney and grandpa and grandma today, just had a lazy day I guess.

Daddy and I have just been laying around listening to spa music, lit candles and turned off the lights off. I've been doing that for a while a couple of times a week, it really helps me with my anxiety and just helps me to calm down. When I'm really stressed or having a bad day, I usually do it. Although it is 8:30 and I am now ready for bed, daddy is passed out on the couch... You can see how relaxing it is.

Thank you baby girls, for being such blessings on our lives, our miracles. And bringing so many blessings our way. You girls are so loved, so very very loved, and thought about so very often. How amazing to have changed so many lives in so many ways.. In such a short amount of time. And how lucky I am to be the mom to such beautiful, amazing little girls. I still am a selfish person , and wish you were here every second of every single day.. I know that will never change..

I love you my darlings, I love you so so very very much.
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Goodnight my sweet beautiful angels, i love you so very very much.

Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

"I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

October 15

Hey baby girls,

Today was infant loss remembrance day. At 7 o'clock all over the world, people were asked to light candles for an hour in memory off their sweet babies. Your daddy and I lit about 4 or 5 of them. I put one in the window too. We just sat in silence for a while, shared what we hurt the most about, cried remembering when you were born, hurt thinking about what all we had lost.. It was emotional. But as you can tell,I've been a mess for a little while.

Goodnight my beautiful baby dolls, I hope you saw all the beautiful candles that were lit all over the world to let everyone know how much love and light you brought into this world,and will continue to..

I love you darlings,I love you both so very very much.
Xoxo,mommy

" I'll love you forever
Ill like you for always
As long as Im living
My babies you'll be.."

My beautiful girls,

Your mommy has been a wreck lately. Your poor daddy prolly wants to run away from here! I just miss you both so much, and get so scared .. So worried for the future. I think about you constantly, and how traumatic losing you two has been on all of us.. Everyday holds the promise of new beginnings,but while it does that, it also adds another day without you girls. But, I have been praying for strength, for faith, and for positivity. I know you're both there, and I know you're watching over all of us.. My beautiful , strong girls. You are more then I could have hoped for.

Goodnight my angels,

I love you both so truly, very much. I miss you terribly. Please keep watch over us,..
I love you.
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Walk to remember you..

Hey baby girls,

Today your daddy & me and the whole family went and walked at the walk to remember event that the hospital puts on every year in October. We wore our shirts today, and there was also a balloon release. We got to write you notes for heaven, and tied them to the balloons. I was so upset, we had so many letters for you that when we let them go, they got stuck in a tree across the street. Your grandma told me not to worry about it, but I just felt like that happens to us everytime we try to do something for you.. Idk. But, your daddy climbed the tree for me, and some other guy helped along with grandpa and he got the balloons out for me! I was so happy I could have cried. We let them go again and watched them float away. In my heart I want to believe so much that you are actually getting our letters and little memorials we send every once in a while..

It was a sad time, but it was a nice time to see everyone be able to get together out in the open and talk about their babies, talk about their experience, their pain, their grief, and to be understood. To not be judged, or looked at weird, or stupid things to be said. We all know, we all can help, and we all feel the same. It's a weird group to be a part of , an unfortunate one, but we somehow I think can help each other through this.

I love you my sweet baby darlings, I love you both so very very much. I hope you hear me say that enough, and that I tell you enough. You girls have brought so much love into this world, I just hope you get to see..

Goodnight my angels, I love you ,and miss you so much.
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be..."

9.

Alena and Jamie,

9 months. It's been 9 months since we've said goodbye. There are no words, nothing that works..
I've been thinking about how we are going to celebrate your birthday. " celebrate" is a hard word to use, because how we will be celebrating? Yes, it is your birthday, the day you entered the world, the day you brought us your light.. But it's also the day we said goodbye, that we let go and lost all of our hopes and dreams for the future with you girls. It's a bittersweet day, I guess is the word? Idk, I have quite gotten that far and knowing how I can do this.

But I just wanted to write you to say how much I love you beautiful girls, how much I miss you, how much I think about you. I know we have so much to be thankful for baby girls, but I still can't help but miss you and grieve over you and wish you were here every. Single. Day.

Goodnight my sweet girls, I love you both so much.
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be..."

1 day..

Hello darlings ,

Tomorrow marks 9 months you've been gone. This Sunday we are doing the walk to remember at the hospital. October 15th is infant loss remembrance day. October is infant loss awareness month.. I think I am so happy that people are acknowledging more and more everyday how you ARE babies, you are people, you matter And mean the absolute world to so many people! Every time some one asks me how many kids I have, ( although as hard as it may be to answer, because it hurts) I always say you girls and how you are in heaven. I will never abandon your names or you, I will never forget you or speak of you.. You girls will forever be in my heart, our hearts, and live on every single day inside of us. But as happy as I am of this month, it hurts me too. That so many know this pain, know this loss, know this heartache. I can't believe so many of us are still here, and somehow making it. But everyone needs to know who you are, and what a brilliant light you've brought with you girls.

I love you my sweet beautiful angels, I love you both so very very much. I never want you to forget that. Thank you everyday for being our miracles, our amazing guardian angels. Thank you for being there.. Thank you for giving me the chance to be a mom.. In many ways.

I love you.
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

My dear girls,

Goodnight my sweet peas, I love you both so very very much,
Always & forever

Xoxo,mommy

"I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.,"

Alena And Jamie,

I can't believe the time, how long you've been gone.. I can't believe i somehow have made it through..
I now know why, I do... But I still think about how much we were preparing for you,because two of everything is a lot to get. We started so early, to try and save money and prepare.. But nothing could prepare us for losing you. Nothing.

The world feels very empty at times, heck, not just the world.. My heart and my arms are. But in as many ways I am empty, you have made me a better person. I want to be more compassionate in life,more caring and more understanding. To help others, to appreciate EVERYTHING more. Complaining feels like a sin at times almost, about certain things. I want to be the mom you would be proud of, that you would be thankful for.. That you would look up to and want to be like when you grew up...

I hope I live up to being your hero one day girls...

I love you both more then time will ever reveal. Miss you girls.
Always & forever

Xoxo,mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be,.."

Hey pretty girls,

Your momma needs to start writing you earlier, I am so stinking tired. Honestly though, I feel horrible because I never really have much to write you about. Work is the same, home is the same. You girls are such a blessing, in more ways then one. I know you are at watching over us, and taking care of us. I know we are connected and you are here, I just wish you two would come visit me in my dreams.. I miss you both so much, and wish to see you..

I love you my sweet beautiful girls, I love you both so very very much.
Goodnight girls,

Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Hey love bugs,

Goodnight and I love you both so very very much. Sleep well my beautiful angels.

I miss you baby girls, I miss you terribly.

Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

"I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

My darling girls,

Today was the mud run. Your daddy and aunt and our friends did pretty good. They were really tired and worn out afterwards, but they did good.

Then we just came home and just been laying around , our typical sundae afternoon. Headed back to the work week tomorrow..

Goodnight my sweet baby girls,I love you both so very very much. My sweet Alena and Jamie, I think about you two all the time, and miss you terribly.

I loveyou girls, I love you so much.
Always & forever

Xoxo,mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll likely for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Fixed.

Alena and Jamie,

I think I finally fixed your blog! Idk how, but I think I figured it out. Tried to make it a little prettier for you.

We had a good day. Your daddy's mud run is tomorrow so we went to church tonight and went to dinner with grandma and grandpa. Fr Ed had a nice sermon tonight about faith, and how people can misuse it.

I miss you sweet peas, we went in and lit your candles again tonight. I love you baby girls, I love you both so much.

Always & forever

Goodnight girls, xoxo mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Sweet girls

Hey sweet peas, 

I'm still not sure what's going on with your blog, still trying to figure it out. 

Your daddy is getting ready to do the mud run again this weekend with aunt Emily and our neighbors. I hope the weather is good for them. We might be doing some work around the house this weekend. I think I want to do some sanding, and some painting and .. Who knows , there is always something to do around here. Just trying to stay busy! 

I know i say this a lot baby girls, but thank you. Thank you for being our blessings, our sweet miracles, and the continued blessings i know you have some part in.. Our sweet guardian angels. I miss you both so very much, and wish you were here so very much, more then anything.. But thank you.. 

I love you my sweet girls, I love you both so so so more then you will ever know. I really do. 

Always & forever

xoxo. Mommy 

" I'll love you forever

I'll like you for always 

As long as I'm living 

My babies youll be.." 

Hey my sweet baby girls,
I love you. I love you my sweet Alena and Jamie ..

Sleep well my angels, please come visit me in my dreams. I miss your beautiful faces and wish to see you..

I love you and miss you so so so very much.
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

October

My dear sweet love bugs,

I apologize my posts have been short and I haven't been sharing as much. I've been so tired and sometimes I honestly don't have much to share, I'm just wanting to write to tell you how much I love you and miss you. I feel like since everything has happened, everything has changed. Well that was a stupid thing, because I know for sure it has. I'm not the same person, life is different, things are I different, and everything has a different meaning or doesn't mean anything at all anymore.

But you girls mean everything, and everything means something because of you. I feel everyday blessed to be your mom, to call you my daughters, and know you are looking over us and blessing us everyday. Thank you baby girls, thank you Alena and Jamie..

Goodnight my baby girls, I love you so so very very much.
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
Ill like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

I miss you both so much, gosh I miss you girls so much. I wish you were here too....

Goodnight my beautiful angels, I love and miss you both so very terribly..

I love you darlings, I love you my sweet Alena and Jamie

Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

My sweet babies,

Your blog is going to look weird for a couple of days..I'm trying to fix it and move things around but for some reason it's not letting me do very much tonight, so I promise ill fix it this week.

I love you sweet peas,I love you both so much. Thank you for everything. Thank you baby girls for being my everything's, my very reason. I love you Alena and Jamie..I love you girls.
Always & forever

Goodnight my loves,sweet dreams.

Xoxo,mommy

"I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as Im living
My babies you'll be..."

Hey sweet peas,

Today we hung out at grandma and grandpas house. The boys all helped with clearing out the front yard with the "million" trees they have at their house. So it was a nice day.. I see you came to visit us a couple of times..

Thank you baby girls, for being exactly that, my baby girls. Blessings in our lives, miracles in the truest form. I love you girls so very very much, I truly do. Thank you for being our guardian angels, for the many blessings and the looking out for us I know you are doing.. Thank you Alena and Jamie...

I love you sweet peas, I love you.
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Goodnight my sweet girls, I am very tired and don't have much to write, not much really went on today.

I love you very very much, and miss you so very much..

Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

End

Hey my sweet girls,

We have almost reached the end of sept, the end of another month. I think this one has been better then some, for sure. I guess it's just like the days too, some are better then others.

Goodnight my sweet beautiful girls, I love you both so very very much. We got our letter in the mail from the hospital about the walk to remember they do in honor of all you sweet babies. It's in a couple of weeks. I had a really hard time thinking about it, about you, about everything.

I miss my sweet girls. Your beautiful faces, your energetic selves.. I was so excited to watch you two grow up together and interact with each other. I couldn't wait for all the fun and memories we were going to make together..

I love you I miss you.

Always& forever
Xoxo, mommy

"I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be..."

Hey sweet girls,

Tonight I went and subbed at the school again. It was a better night tonight, that was nice.

I'm still having a hard time answering the questions " do you have any kids?" Not in The way of acknowledging you, but in how to say it. I usually say "yes, but not with me.. " and then people ask where you are and then I feel like they should have already known the answer and not ask anymore.. Idk it's just a hard and confusing question to answer, one i feel I will never be prepared for.. But i know you girls are helping me everyday, because if you weren't...I wouldn't be here.

Goodnight my sweet beautiful girls, i love you so so so much.

Always & forever
Xoxo,mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

My girls

Hey love bugs,

Today was a very interesting day. Not anything I thought it was going to be. But it's okay, just a learning experience right?

I am so tired my sweet girls, I'm so sorry my posts haven't been long, or much of anything. Sometimes I find it so hard to think of things to say, or figure out what to say .. Because this is so hard, Nd nothing seems to be right or enough to say. I miss you so much my baby girls, I love you so so very much.

I miss you. I miss you every single second of everyday. My heart aches for you so much. You are my sweet little miracles, my everything's. My loves.

Goodnight my beautiful girls, I love you so much. And miss you both

Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Emotional.

Hey baby loves,

Today has been a busy day, making for one tired momma, but grateful for a busy day.

The weather has been cooling down a lot, it's been really pretty. Fall is pretty much here, possibly my favorite season. I think everyone is obsessed with the pumpkin smells, and the chunky sweaters, and the cuddle weather. I wonder if you get to experience changes of seasons in heaven?? I bet it's beautiful ..

I miss you both so much, and love you, love you , love you.
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as im living
My babies you'll be..."

Hey my sweet baby girls,

I miss you both so much, my sweet little girls. I'm so sorry this won't be a long post tonight, I'm so tired I'm having a hard time keeping my eyes open. Just know I love you both tremendously, and miss you terribly.

Thank you for being my sweet miracles, my wonderful blessings, and the for being our guardian angels and watching over all of us.. I love you my sweet Alena and Jamie.. I love you.

Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be..."

Hi sweet peas,m

Today's been a pretty good day. Daddy and I went shopping today to get me some new clothes for my new teaching job weds. I am pretty excited to start, but also pretty nervous. I am hoping I am making the right decision right now... But I am continuing to try and keep my faith in The Lord, and trust that he knows what he is doing,, which I know you are telling me right now that he does.

Goodnight my sweet beautiful angels. Thank you for being our blessings, our miracles, and for the blessings you continue to bring into our lives .. No matter how small or big.

I love you both so very very much, and miss you terribly. I hope you know everyday how much I truly do love you my sweet baby girls.

Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Anxious

Hey baby loves,

We are officially home. We got home earlier this morning, picked up Carly and cleaned her up, and got home and have been resting and relaxing. It was a cloudy day when we left the beach, and we came home to a good bit of rain, so we have just been hanging out inside. It's been nice, I'm tired.

I start my new job weds girls, I hope I can do this. I'm gonna try , that's the least I can do right?

Thank you for watching over us, and being our wonderful miracles, our beautiful blessings. I know you are my guardian angels in so many more ways then one , you really are so wonderful. In as many ways I get upset because you are gone and not here with me, I thank The Lord above that I was blessed to have you in my life as long as I got to. It doesn't help me all the time, but I try to be happy and thankful about our time  instead of broken and hurt all the time. I feel jaded girls...

Goodnight my beautiful angels, I love you so very much. I miss you always.
Thank you baby girls..

Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Babyloves, 

Tonight is our last night at the beach, we are heading home in the morning. 

I think Im doing a little bit better today, as you know I wasn't doing so great last night . I guess just no sleep, emotions, and a bunch of other things doesn't help huh?? 

I love you so very very much, and miss you so terribly. Everyday I wish you were here my loves, everyday.

Goodnight baby girls, I love you so so very much. 

Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy 

" I'll love you forever

I'll like you for always 

As long as I'm living 

My babies you'll be.."

Missing you..

My dear sweet girls,

I am missing you both so very much lately. I was doing good in not wanting to cry all the time, and I feel I am sometimes taking two steps back.

We all went and walked around at barefoot landing tonight, and I saw multiple sets of twins, even two little girls that would be close to your age right now. I found myself just staring at them, at what could've been..

I love you so much Alena and Jamie. I remember everything about the day you were born, but I find myself fighting to remember some things some days. Every little detail is burned into my memory, but at the same time I'm not sure if its my brains way of coping or what, but I find myself struggling to remember , and I hate it so much.

My dear girls, I hope you've never had to doubt my love, never had to doubt my pain for missing you, my anguish in being alone without you, my broken heart of losing you both.. I love you so very much, so very much...

Thank you for being our angels, for watching over us and the wonderful blessings you are, and in the amazing blessings you have watched over for us. Thanks for the words I know you put in for us with the " big guy" upstairs.

I love you baby girls, with my whole entire being. I love and miss you so very much.

Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

My dear darlings,

We are still vacationing at the beach right now. There are some beautiful sunsets and sunrises. The weather has been real pretty. It's cooler then when we normally come, and the water is still really warm.

I'm sorry we are not at home to say goodnight, and light your candle before bed. I feel bad when we are not able to do that, when we are away from home.

I love you my sweet beautiful angels, I love you both so very very much. I miss you terribly, and wish so much you were here. Everyday I wish that.

I love you baby girls. Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Goodnight my beautiful angels,

I love you both and miss you so very terribly.

I love you so much.
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Beach 2013

My dear baby girls,

Daddy and I are at the beach this week with our/your family. I was looking out the window of the condo today and was thinking about how little you would be if you were here right now. How we would be bundling you up into hats and clothes and tons of sunscreen, well honestly if you would've came on your due date, you might've been too little to be in the sun . But I was just looking at the water thinking about you and how much I wish you were here with me..

I just want to keep telling you how you truly are guardian angels, and thank you so much for being there watching over us, and guiding us. Thank you for making me a mom, for being my perfect little girls, my wonderful blessings in this life .

I love you my babies, I love you both so very very much. I miss you terribly.

Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Hey baby girls,

I was just standing in the spare bedroom staring at the memory box you're daddy really wanted to make of all your things.. I haven't really sat and looked at all of that in a while, and sometimes I feel I just need to take a moment and do that.

I can't believe how little your hands and feet were, but how perfect. Five fingers, five toes.. Just perfect little angels, honestly is all you were. It's so scary though to look at how little everything was.. How little you weighed, how long you were, and how each set of you girls footprints fit onto a sand dollar.. I mean, what is this? How do we look at all this and comprehend it and understand how this truly happened? How these two beautiful little girls, who were supposed to be here now, aren't. Idk, I know I won't ever understand, that I know for sure.. But some days I can accept it better then others, but most days I can't. It's just not the way, it's just not.

Goodnight my beautiful angels, I love you and miss you terribly , I really really do.

Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be..."

Hey my sweet beautiful girls,

Today has been a stressful , scary kinda day. I am just praying for you girls to keep watching over us, and being our guardian angels. I am hoping I fall asleep quickly tonight, and can have a much better day tomorrow...

I love you my sweet angels, and I didn't want to write a big , sad, anxious entry to you tonight. So I say goodnight, and I love you both do very very much. I miss you dearly,everyday.

Goodnight baby girls, I love you
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" ill love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

My dear baby loves,

Today was a long day.. Long day but a good day. I want to thank you both so much for always looking after daddy and I, for being our guardian angels. We are so very blessed to have two beautiful, perfect,wonderful angels watching over us. I just wish sometimes you would visit me..

We are going away soon, and I hope to think of something beautiful and meaningful to do for you two. I love you sweet angels, I love you both so very very much.

Goodnight baby girls. May you always know my love for you both, and how much I miss you both.
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

8.

Hey sweethearts,

Today marks 8 months since we've had to let go and say goodbye. I always anticipate the 12th of the months, because I never know how I am going to feel. Sometimes it can be worse then others, I think I'm starting to just realize no matter what everyday is going to be hard in its own way, honestly.

I'm anxious, worried, stressed, sad, mad, hurt... I am honestly a mess of emotions every single day. I don't know how pretty much anyone can deal with me or be around me. I just pray everyday I'll make it somehow to see you again.

Goodnight my beautiful baby girls, I love you both so very very much.. I miss you terribly.

Forever and always
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

My sweet girls,

Tomorrow is going to be 8 months. I can't believe it. I've been thinking about it for the past couple of days, and I just... I can't believe it. I always feel like this just happened yesterday, and then it feels like its you've been Gone for so much longer. I miss you both so much. Everything is so wrong, so backwards, so lonely without you two. Life is but an endless journey, that I am struggling to find meaning in without you two here. I am very blessed to have to your daddy and your family.. But it doesn't always make this easier, or make me miss you two any less.. I just wanted to bring to home... I just wanted to start our lives together girls..

Other people have been having dreams about you two. I think it's beautiful that so many people know of you and dream about you.. But why can't you come to me? Why won't you come to me? Why can't I know you are okay, why can't you confirm that? I need to know this, I need to know that you are hearing my prayers, and me telling you how much I love you and miss you both..please come see me soon, or open my heart and eyes to reach for you and see you..

Goodnight my beautiful angels, I love you and miss you both so very terribly. My heart aches for you every single day.

Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

My sweet girls, 

Today I had an emotional meeting. I just have been missing you too so much, and feeling like I'm not doing a very good job... Idk . Everything will always feels so backwards, so empty.. Nothing Like it was supposed to be. But I just keep hoping, and I just keep praying.. And I just keep writing you hoping somehow this is reaching you girls..

Goodnight my beautiful angels, I miss you so much and hope to dream of you tonight,, come visit me.. 

I love you, I love you so much. 

Forever & always

Xoxo, mommy 

" I'll love you forever

I'll like you for always 

As long as I'm living 

My babies you'll be.."

Missing so much

My dear girls,

Today I had a harder day. A dear friend of me and your daddy's keeps saying you are I siting her in her dreams. They are beautiful and heart wrenching .. And makes me wonder why you're not visiting me... Or if my heart can't take it, couldn't handle it?? Idk I feel I would do anything to see you and get to see your faces agin. I miss you girls so much, and I'm do scared everyday I'm forgetting a little more.

Please don't let me!!! Don't let my mind forget, I know my heart never will.. Don't forget me baby girls, I love you both so terribly much.. I love you.

Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Missyou.

Hey baby loves,

Writing again to say goodnight. Daddy came home from Georgia today, like I said just was a quick trip. I know he was only gone a day but I'm so glad he's home, I don't like being by myself and when he's gone I don't have any of you.. So I don't like it.

We have one week until we leave for the beach. I really want to think of something beautiful to do for you there in memory.. But I'm not sure yet... It's hard sometimes because I never feel like anything is ever good enough for you two, that it doesn't mean Enough or I didn't put enough thought in it.

Goodnight my beautiful baby girls, I love you and miss you so very terribly. Every night I wish I was rocking you to sleep, kissing your beautiful faces and watching you dream...

I love you girls.
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be..."

Hey baby loves,

Daddy went to visit his mom. Your grandma had hip replacement surgery, so he went to visit her. I miss him, normally we are always together , so this is kinda weird. But I am glad he is getting to visit by himself too, I think that's a nice thing for them.

Today was an okay day. I've been spending it with grandma and grandpa and your aunts and niece. Just a normal day. I miss you both so very very much. I look at laney all the time and just wonder how different you would be, or how motherly she would act towards you.. Because she just loves babies right now. It makes me so sad because I know she would just be loving on you two So so so much. Well, honestly everyone would..

Goodnight my beautiful angels,

I love you so terribly much , I miss you so..

Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

" ill love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Hopeful.

Hey darling girls,

Another Friday. Another late night.

I miss you girls, I wish you were here so much. These nights are so empty, and so lonely. Your daddy and I aren't the same without you two.. I love you sweet girls, I love you so so so much.

Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Hey baby loves,

I'm thinking about you so very much lately. I'm praying that you are looking out for us right now, we could use a little extra prayers right now. Thank you for being our wonderful, most perfect guardian angels.

Goodnight my beautiful angels, I love you both so very very much. I miss you terribly.

I love you.
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Hey sweet peas,

Ive been a very anxious, tired person today. I've been praying a lot, and been hoping you girls have been with us all day..

I love you my sweet angels, gosh I love you girls both so so much.
I miss you so very much..

Always & forever

Xoxo,mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Hey sweet things,

I bet you were looking down on your momma today wondering if she has gone crazy... I really wonder if I have. Today was honestly a quite horrible day. I'm just glad I got through it! I told the girls at the salon I am DONE doing color corrections and helping people who insist on doing their color at home,, nope, not doing it anymore.

Your daddy came up Ad brought me some dinner, that was really sweet of him. He always knows how to make things better , a trait I know you girls got from him, because things were always better because of you two..

Goodnight my beautiful angels,
May you always know how much I love you , how much I truly love you.

Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
Ill like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."