9.

Alena and Jamie,

9 months. It's been 9 months since we've said goodbye. There are no words, nothing that works..
I've been thinking about how we are going to celebrate your birthday. " celebrate" is a hard word to use, because how we will be celebrating? Yes, it is your birthday, the day you entered the world, the day you brought us your light.. But it's also the day we said goodbye, that we let go and lost all of our hopes and dreams for the future with you girls. It's a bittersweet day, I guess is the word? Idk, I have quite gotten that far and knowing how I can do this.

But I just wanted to write you to say how much I love you beautiful girls, how much I miss you, how much I think about you. I know we have so much to be thankful for baby girls, but I still can't help but miss you and grieve over you and wish you were here every. Single. Day.

Goodnight my sweet girls, I love you both so much.
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be..."