Today was a long day at work today, tomorrow is going to be a long one too. I need to head to bed, I am one tired lady.
I can't stop feeling that its wrong to laugh, it's wrong to smile, it's wrong to feel ok. I feel horrible when I laugh at work or smile around the girls or my clients, afterwards I wonder what they think bout me.. How can she laugh and smile and act like its all ok?? I feel the same, how can I act like that.. It's NOT OK IT'S NOT ANYMORE!!!'
A huge part of me has died along with you to.. That is such a mortifying sentence to write, but it's the truth. I'll always be broken without you.
I'm thankful for my family, and James family, and your daddy girls, they are so supportive and are always here for us. I understand everyone wants us to be ok and know it will get better, but whatever. I mean I believe , well, maybe the pain will ease sometime, but I don't think anytime soon.
I know i said im struggling with my faith right now, but girls, your grandpa really is. Please help him, look out for him, put in a special word for him.. My heart hurts that he is feeling lost too. If we have to find our way back together, then we will. But please don't let him lose sight, don't let him be so angry .. Let him believe and know you are ok, that you are in a better place. I am hurt and angry everyday, but I don't want everyone to feel this way. I don't want to feel like this forever too, but help him.. Please help us , please help your grandpa..
I miss you both so much. I'm SO ANGRY , I'm so hurt. I had a client today am if she could pray for me and I told her yes, that I need all the prayers I can get. Idk what to do anymore, I feel like I'm waiting for this huge sign from God to let me know he is here, he is wit us. But right now I just feel Kim we have been abandoned, and that hurts. I'd like to hope that we haven't been but idk..
I hope you know how much I love you .. You better, I tell you everyday all day. I miss you, I miss you two beautiful girls so much more then you will ever know.. Love you..
Goodnight love bugs, mommy and daddy love you so much.. Xoxo
" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be .."
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