My heart hurts

Hey baby girls, 

We came home today. Your grandpa Roush is doing a lot better, still sore and in a little pain, but he got to come home so your daddy feels better I believe. We will be checking on him still. 

Your great grandma Kaye and great aunt dean and uncle chuck are here to visit. When we got home we headed over there to eat dinner and then your grandpa wanted to watch home videos of us when we were kids.. It was really something. 

When a video of me came up when I was just born, it hurt me so much. My heart felt like I should recognize that you might've looked like me when you were the age, or you could've looked like daddy. Idk.. It just hurt me and I started to cry. I tried not to cry too much cause everyone was around.. 

Who would you look like? Would you have my curly hair, daddy's blue eyes, blonde hair? Would you have been wild like me? Would you have been smiley happy babies? I know in my heart you babies would have been such happy babies.. I don't doubt that at all . It just hurts so much that I won't get to hear you learn how to talk, to hear you giggle, to watch you roll over and walk and run and play with each other. I won't get to see that beautiful interaction that twins have with each other. I won't get to nave a Christmas with you again.. I only got my one and only also year. 

I was all upset in the car with daddy and then a song came on that your aunt Ashley had said reminded her of you two and ... It does. The song is called " see you again" by Carrie underwood. It is a beautiful song, I'll read it to you: 

Said goodbye, turned around

And you were gone, gone, gone

Faded into the setting sun
Slipped away
But I won't cry
Cause I know I'll never be lonely
For you are the stars to me
You are the light I follow

I'll see you again, oh oh
This is not where it ends
I will carry you with me, oh
Till I see you again

I can hear those echoes in the wind at night
Calling me back in time
Back to you

In a place far away
Where the water meets the sky
The thought of it makes me smile
You are my tomorrow

I'll see you again, oh oh
This is not where it ends
I will carry you with me, oh
Till I see you again

Sometimes I feel my heart is breaking
But I stay strong and I hold on cause I know

I'll see you again, oh oh
This is not where it ends
I will carry you with me, yeah yeah

I'll see you again, oh oh
This is not where it ends
I will carry you with me, oh
Till I see you again
Till I see you again
Till I see you again


Said goodbye, turned around
And you were gone, gone, gone

I feel like you were talking to me... Trying to tell me something. Oh girls, I'm trying so hard to listen . Help me, help me to open my eyes and ears And know you are always with me.. I know you're Always in my heart.. Always. 

I love you my beautiful angels, I love you darlings. 

Always & forever

Xoxox, mommy 

" I'll love you forever

I'll like you for always 

As long as I'm living

My babies you'll be.."