Hey baby girls,

I edited the blog a little today. I can see it is still doesn't load right on the iPad/ tablets, I'm not sure why. It looks pretty on the computer but no on the iPad? Idk..

I love you baby girls. I love you both more then ever I could tell you, or show you. My love for you grows stronger every . Single. Day. Today's been a hard day, and I just went in your room and looked around and remembered being in there with you, and having so many dreams and ideas for that room... And how it all just got taken away.. So unbelievably fast.

Anyway, tonight was bible study. We are reaching the end of our study so I'm wondering where we will go next. It's been really nice meeting these new woman and praying for each other and just getting closer to God. I feel I need it so I can be closer to Him, and both of you sweet girls. I need to know I'm going to see you again.. It's all that gives me hope, all that I get to hold on to. I wanted to end this not so sad tonight, even though today was a bad, sad day.

Goodnight my beautiful angels, may you know every day my love for you girls..

Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Lonely.

Hey beautiful girls,

I feel I don't have much to say about my days. I feel this writing you like this must be boring to read, or I look like I lead a very boring life.. Ad honestly, I feel I do sometimes. Right now there should be so much chaos In this house, and I should be sleepy for staying up all hours of the night with you.. But there is only chaos in my heart, and I'm sleepy all the time anyways, just because things are really  depressing without you here, or I just am because idk ..

I hope you know I'm always thinking about you. I'm always wondering what you would look like , what would you be doing.. What would we be doing together?

My HeArt is so torn, and so messed up without you here. I'm a shell of my old self, just trying to make it to the next day I suppose..

Goodnight my beautiful angels. Mommy loves you both so so very very much. I love you Alena Marie and Jamie Rae .... I love you.

Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Goodnight ..

Hey baby loves,

I don't have a lot to say today, just another same ole day. Nothing special. I feel really tired today so I just wanted to stop in and say goodnight, because I would never forget to do that while you are here.. And while there are so many things I'm going to miss out on because you're not, this one I can make sure I don't..

So goodnight my angels, may you always and forever know how much your mommy misses you.. And how much your momma loves you baby girls, my sweet sweet girls. I love you so so much.

Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Summer day

Hey baby girls,
 Today daddy and I went over to grandma and grandpas old house and swam with everyone. The sun was out al, day today so while it was a hot day, it was very pretty. We then got pizzas and ate with grandpa and grandma. Your aunt Ashley made homemade ice cream sandwiches which were very very good. I ate like crap today and feel bad, I'm trying to make healthier choices and be smarter because I know everyone says I'm not to blame, but I still feel some of it.

I was playing with laney and it's almost like i have weird flashbacks.. I'm not even sure if that's what you would call them.. But it's like I'm seeing you two in her , or watching you two play but it's not you? Idk..I just miss you both so much and I say it all the time, but I can't believe all the wonderful and amazing things I dreamed about watching you do and teaching you to do, are gone. I have few memories, and I will hold on to them for absolutely forever my darlings.

I love you both so very very much. I midd you terribly.. I miss you..

Always & forever baby girls

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Hi baby loves,

Today started out as a really stormy , rainy poopy day. It was so dark when I had to get up I almost couldn't make it, made me wanna sleep forever. MosT days I want to do that anyway, so not much difference there.

I imagine your days are filled with sunshine and beautiful things, which is how every day for you girls should be.. I wouldn't want any less for you girls. I've been trying to include more and more people in my prayers lately.. Families struggling with fertility, families/parents struggling with the loss of their precious babies, people just struggling in general. I feel so many wonderful , loving caring people have told me how they pray for me, and I feel I should pray for others. I'm so thankful so many want /do pray for me and James and all of us, cause girls honestly... I'm always needing them. Sometimes I don't even know how I make it to another day, or wake up. I feel like a robot now, a shell of my old self.

I'm scared I'm going to lose you, more then I already have.. I don't want to forget you, I want to hold on to all that I have.. Which isn't enough.. But it's all I have , and I'm scared I'm losing it. Don't let me girls, don't let me forget.. Please babies .. Don't.

I love you sweet Peas. You beautiful babies. You are my everything, my heart, my soul, my very being for living. I love you so very much, so so much. I miss you..

Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Hey baby loves,

I talked about you some today. Brittany , our friend that lives down the street, we go walking every day now and I opened up a little. I still got upset and it hurt, but I trusted she wouldn't be rude or say anything stupid.. She honestly wanted to know. It was still so very hard though. I find myself not wanting to share much with people anymore about anything..

Goodnight my beautiful angels. I long to dream of you both and see your beautiful faces.. Don't forget my everlasting love for you baby girls..

Always & forever

Xoxox, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Sleep tight

Hey baby loves,

I miss you both so much today. I was just talking to your daddy about how sad I am about all the things we are missing with you, and all the things we are going to miss. How uncertain a future is for anyone anyways.. But ours seems so much more uncertain now a day. Or at least mine does without you two here..

Who would you look like? Who would you be? Where would you be in your milestones? You would be almost 7 months.. I can't believe how close that is to a year.. I can't believe I am still here .

I know you're in heaven, and a much better place then I could ever give you... But that doesn't make it any easier , or easier to accept, or make me hurt less. I'm selfish... And I'm your mommy, and I should get to watch you grow up and be babies to little girls, to teenager to grown woman.. That was my role, my honor, my whole being.. And it's just gone..

I'm sorry sweet girls, I'm going to stop and say goodnight. I shouldn't be saying all this.

Goodnight my angels, may you forever know how much I love and adore you.. And miss you.

Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for Always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Another day

Hey baby loves,

Today was an ok day, I feel like I have been extremely lazy. I did get up somewhat early and did a nice walk with our friend Brittany who lives in the neighborhood. Then went over to grandma and grandpas old house and laid out, then doctors and seen your niece and aunt and uncle today.

I feel like I never have anything interesting to share with you girls, that I am this boring , depressing person. I feel like that in general anyways.

I guess the fact that I'm able to write you now without crying every single time means something. I always get sad when I get ready to write this.. But now it's not every time I cry. But when we say goodnight I still tear up every night because Its so hard, and it's just not right and sad and just.. Idk.

Goodnight my beautiful baby girls. I miss you both so much, and everything reminds me of your beautiful , beautiful faces. I love you. I love you with my whole being... I love you.

Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
 My babies you'll be.."

Hard day

 Hey baby loves,
Today was a hard, filled with triggers if you must. I just didn't have the heart or strength I guess I thought I did... And I know it's all going to be hard and I'm going to worry and panic and stress no matter what... But it doesn't change the fact that my heart hurts so much, and that I miss you girls more then I ever could say..

Goodnight my beautiful angels. Mommy loves you more then anyone ever will, you are my beautiful baby girls, my precious miracles.

Always & forever.. Xoxo mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm,living
My babies you'll be.."

Guardians.

Hey sweet girls,

Your grandma and great aunt and uncle are leaving tomorrow, so we had another family dinner saying goodbye to them. They have said that want to make a couple of more trips down here, hopefully they will for your grandpas sake. He loves to see his mom.

Goodnight my beautiful angels, I'm so tired. I have been feeling horribly tired ever since we have gotten back from your daddy's parents in Georgia. Just feel off.

I love you girls, I love you both so much..

Always & forever babies

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for Always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Goodnight

Hey baby loves,

Just wanted to write you and say goodnight. Today I went to church with your grandma and hung out with her for A little. We then all met over at your aunt Ashley's house tonight for dessert. Another little get together with the family visiting.

I keep praying for the future, for our future.. For your future. Well, your future Already has the most wonderful outcome, of everything I could have wanted for you when you left this earth... But that doesn't make me stop thinking about you or being selfish and wishing I was spending every single waking moment with you two in my arms.. I am hoping your daddy and I will be blessed to have a family even here on earth.. I really am. But it's all just so scary, so so scAry.

Goodnight my beautiful angels, another day down.

I love you both tremendously... Always & forever my sweet sweet loves.

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

My Heart

Hey girls,

Today daddy worked around the house outside and I ran around getting some stuff for having everyone over at our house to tonight for dinner. We had a full house.

Your great grandmA and great aunt and uncle got a tour of the house. They have never been here before so it was nice to be able to show them our house.


Goodnight my beautiful angels. I love you both dearly. I miss you so much then you can ever imagine..

Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

I love you...

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

My heart hurts

Hey baby girls, 

We came home today. Your grandpa Roush is doing a lot better, still sore and in a little pain, but he got to come home so your daddy feels better I believe. We will be checking on him still. 

Your great grandma Kaye and great aunt dean and uncle chuck are here to visit. When we got home we headed over there to eat dinner and then your grandpa wanted to watch home videos of us when we were kids.. It was really something. 

When a video of me came up when I was just born, it hurt me so much. My heart felt like I should recognize that you might've looked like me when you were the age, or you could've looked like daddy. Idk.. It just hurt me and I started to cry. I tried not to cry too much cause everyone was around.. 

Who would you look like? Would you have my curly hair, daddy's blue eyes, blonde hair? Would you have been wild like me? Would you have been smiley happy babies? I know in my heart you babies would have been such happy babies.. I don't doubt that at all . It just hurts so much that I won't get to hear you learn how to talk, to hear you giggle, to watch you roll over and walk and run and play with each other. I won't get to see that beautiful interaction that twins have with each other. I won't get to nave a Christmas with you again.. I only got my one and only also year. 

I was all upset in the car with daddy and then a song came on that your aunt Ashley had said reminded her of you two and ... It does. The song is called " see you again" by Carrie underwood. It is a beautiful song, I'll read it to you: 

Said goodbye, turned around

And you were gone, gone, gone

Faded into the setting sun
Slipped away
But I won't cry
Cause I know I'll never be lonely
For you are the stars to me
You are the light I follow

I'll see you again, oh oh
This is not where it ends
I will carry you with me, oh
Till I see you again

I can hear those echoes in the wind at night
Calling me back in time
Back to you

In a place far away
Where the water meets the sky
The thought of it makes me smile
You are my tomorrow

I'll see you again, oh oh
This is not where it ends
I will carry you with me, oh
Till I see you again

Sometimes I feel my heart is breaking
But I stay strong and I hold on cause I know

I'll see you again, oh oh
This is not where it ends
I will carry you with me, yeah yeah

I'll see you again, oh oh
This is not where it ends
I will carry you with me, oh
Till I see you again
Till I see you again
Till I see you again


Said goodbye, turned around
And you were gone, gone, gone

I feel like you were talking to me... Trying to tell me something. Oh girls, I'm trying so hard to listen . Help me, help me to open my eyes and ears And know you are always with me.. I know you're Always in my heart.. Always. 

I love you my beautiful angels, I love you darlings. 

Always & forever

Xoxox, mommy 

" I'll love you forever

I'll like you for always 

As long as I'm living

My babies you'll be.." 

Hey baby loves,

We went and visited your grandpa again today. He is doing a little better. When we were there he was able to get up and walk around some, and seemed o me able to talk a little better. We are very happy he is doing better, and we were also told he is coming  home tomorrow.. Thanks for looking out for him baby girls..

I did a little better at the hospital today. It was still really hard but I guess it didn't hit me as hard. I was really upset earlier we were going to miss group tonight. They were having a guest speaker and I really wanted to go. But , this is where we need to be and that's ok .

Well, goodnight my pretty babies. I miss you both tremendously, and think about you consistently. I love you. I love you. I love you...

Always & forever.. Another day down..

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Hey sweet baby girls,

I'm so sorry I didn't write you two last night. We didn't get in until around 12-1230 and didn't go to bed till 1 and we didn't have wifi on the road, so by time we got here I was tired and forgot and honestly I am so so sorry girls.

Today we went and saw your grandpa after his surgery. He's having a really hard time right now. I'm hoping he will sleep a lot tonight/tomorrow and feel a good bit better in the morning . I feel so horrible for him he's in so much pain.. But we are praying and I know God will take care of him. And I know he's got two sweet angels looking down on him.

I freaked out at the hospital. It's right across the street from the hospital where we found out you two were girls , and that I was in danger of losing you.. When we had so much hope while everything was falling apart. I miss you two baby girls so so so so so much. I just miss you.

I love you Alena Marie and Jamie Rae, I love you my baby girls.

Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be..."

Georgia.

Hey baby girls,

We will be going to Georgia for your grandpas surgery these next couple of days. We are hoping and praying everything goes well, as I'm sure it will. I think your daddy is just looking forward to spending some time with his family... So I'm happy for him. It'll be nice.

Today was a busier day then I expected, and I am glad for that. The busier days the better.
Things seem to be going better at your daddy's work, or I should just say staying good so far. Knock on wood this isn't just a phase. He really is a wonderful man and deserves the world.

I know you girls would've been just like your daddy, caring & compassionate, sweet & understanding. I wish so much I was watching you grow like weeds everyday, and teaching catch other new things and watching you two interact. I WAS SO EXCITED for twins, I mean how awesome to have not one but TWO Beautiful babies growing up together and raising you two and loving you both tremendously. My cup runneth over.. Honestly and truly.

I miss you both so very much. I think about you constantly and pray to see you in my dreams every night. I miss you Alena and Jamie,, I miss you. Have me of you been trying to communicate with grandma? She thinks its you Alena. I hope you are, I hope you are with us every single day. Help me to open my eyes girls, help me to see you.

Goodnight my beautiful Angels, I love you both dearly.

Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
Ill like you for always
As long as im living
My babies you'll be.."

Rain, rain.

Hey sweet girls,

I think God is just as sad as we are.... Or maybe it's you two sweet girls, but it hasn't stopped raining. And I feel like its been real rainy this year ever since we lost you.. Idk it just feels like the rest of the world is crying with us.

Goodnight my beautiful angels, may you be safe and happy where you are. I dream and pray of our meeting again. Finally being where we belong, together...

I love you sweet baby girls, I love you.

Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Anxious

Hey sweet girls,

I feel I am suffering from anxiety pretty bad today. I'm being the most paranoid , freaked out person there is I'm sure. My anxiety was horrible before this, I can only imagine what a doctor would tell me now.

Anyways, no need to talk to you about that before bed. I just wanted to write you like I do every night and let you know how much I love you, and miss you. Even if that's all I write  a lot in this blog baby girls, it's what I want you to know the most.. How  much you are loved baby girls .. Loved and missed.

Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

6 months.

Hey sweet girls., 

Today marks the 6 month anniversary of your birthday..and also your getting your wings day. I expected it to not be a very good day, but i did a lot worse then I thought I would. I had a horrible breakdown with your daddy, and I was so angry, so angry with everyone and everything. I tried breaking my phone and just lost it. Idk what happened but it just took over and hurt., it just hurt so much. Your dad is such an amazing person, he really is my strength at all times. I kept pushing him away and telling him to go away and leave me alone , but he just sat there and wiped the tears off my face and told me he loved me. I can tell you right now, I don't deserve him..not one bit. I can e so horrible, and he is always the sweetest, most gentle spirited man. You girls are truly blessed to have him as a daddy.. He loves you both so very much. 

We wrote letters to you and got pink and yellow balloons to put the letters in. We let them go from the front yard of the house today. I always hope those letters reach you both somehow.. 

Goodnight my beautiful girls. I can't believe it's been 6 months since I've had to say goodbye.. And have my heart break into a million pieces. 

I love you both dearly, and dream about the day of finally holding you close again. 

Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy 

" I'll love you forever

I'll like you for always 

As long as I'm living 

My babies you'll be.." 

Long day.

Hey Sweet angels,

I am very tired today. It doesn't help my friendly reminder of what I don't have has came to visit me today, so that doesn't help..

Tomorrow is 6 months since I've lost you. I feel like I am preparing myself and my heart for doomsday.. That's exactly what It feels like to me. I can't believe it's been 6 months girls.. I can't believe I am still here, that I have survived 6 months alone without you here.. I just can't believe it. Idk if survived is the right word, but coping i suppose.

I think your daddy and I are going to try and do something special for you tomorrow.. I'm just now sure what. I hope we can think of something really meaningful . I also hope it's not too sad of a day, that we can make it through it. Idk what I'm expecting, but this anniversary dates are horrible girls.. Just horrible .

Goodnight my beautiful girls, I love you love you love you dearly.

Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Almost

Hey doll babies,

Today was a normal weds. I went grocery shopping with your aunt and grandma, cleaned the house and etc. Today I babysat your cousin Delaney for a little bit , I normally don't get her cause grandma does most of the babysitting, but I did a little today. She loves to play, and I think she wears me out faster then I wear her out. She kept playing with her play cell phone, and walking around talking to people in it and sitting down in her chairs, and just acting like such a little girl. And as I was watching her.. It was like I was having an epiphany or.. I'm not sure what you would call it... But I saw myself missing watching you do this. Learning to talk and walk and play, to really become into little girls and love dresses and playing with dolls and being chatty little things. I still can't believe everyday all the little and big things I'm going to miss everyday without you here..

We are coming up on 6 months on Friday. Your daddy is taking the day off with me. We have been wanting and thinking of doing something special for you.. But I'm a loss of what you do for this kind of thing girls.. Idk what to do that will show you enough love or how much we miss you and think about you.. Hopefully I find something worthy .

Goodnight my beautiful baby girls, I love you very very much.

Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Progress..

Hey baby loves,

Today was another therapy day. Angela said even if I don't feel it or think it.. I'm getting a little stronger.. And I have to say some days I really feel I am. I didn't cry As much today, and I could talk a little more.. But still I know I'm never going to be strong again, or as strong as I was. Right now all I am is grieving, mourning, coping mother of two beautiful Angels.

I had CRAZY clients today., idk why but it was a weird.. Very weird day today. Your daddy also said  his day went well. He got a new boss and things haven't been going so well.. So a good day for him is a good day for us.

This new normal sucks, I don't even get the word " normal" or " new normal" . This is my life.. My life with out you.. There's no word to describe a life to live without your children.

Goodnight my beautiful Angels, how I miss your sweet faces and gentle kicks in my belly.. I miss those everyday. They were my favorite part of every day, it was the coolest more amazing part of being pregnant.. Feeling and watching you two grow and move.. Absolutely amazing.

I love you sweet baby girls, I love you.

Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Tired.

Hey baby girls,

We stayed up too late Ad there has been a lot of anxiety And stress tonight, so I wil tell you goodnight so I don't get all upset on here..

Goodnight my beautiful angels. I love and miss you dearly.. Always

Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
Ill like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Always

Hey sweet baby girls,

Today we went to church, and we had the pleasure of hearing from father Ed today. He is a wonderful priest, and his sermon was very deep today. I love when church really speaks to me .

It rained on and off again today.. Sun came out And then went away again.. We must be really needing some rain girls.

I think I'm doing ok today, I am consistently thinking about you and wishing you were here.. But I think today was ok. But we are coming up on our nighttime routine.. So we shall see.

Goodnight my beautiful angels. May you always know and always remember how much I love you, how much I truly truly love you.

Always & forever angels..
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as m living
My babies you'll be.."

Broken hearted.

Hey sweet girls,

Tonight we went over to a friends cook out they were having , it was nice. They are our neighbors so it was nice to be able to just walk home when we were ready. There Were a lot of little boys over there, and they were seriously crazy.. Setting off fireworks and running around in the rain . Poor Brittany, I know her house was gonna be a mess.

I've been so very tired lately, Idk . I know I am mildly depressed in some ways, and idk if that is playing on my emotions and making me sleepy as a side effect. Sleep just leads to the days going faster, and that always helps... I miss you both so much. I'm still so upset at time that I'm here still, supposed to go on and live this life with out you girls,. I don't get why my heart has to carry this burden, why this is my cross to bear... Why must I know a pain so deep and powerful that it breaks me in half everyday when I wake up? Why must I have to miss you everyday for the rest of my days with out watching you grow into beautiful, young women?? Idk, only God does..

Goodnight my beautiful angels, may you sleep in peace and knowing of love only.

I love and miss you more then words can ever say...

Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Aunt momo birthday

Hey baby girls,

Today was our aunt momo's birthday, she is now 20! Officially no longer a teenager. We had a nice dinner of lasagna and pie, ( she doesn't care much for cake). She's going through a hard time right now girls, and my heart hurts for her that she has to be. I hope she knows it won't be there forever.

I played a lot with laney tonight. It's so bittersweet because I love to be with her and love on her.. But just so many reminders if what I won't have with you...

I love you baby girls, I love you so much. I think about you all the time, you are always on my mind.

Goodnight my beautiful angels... I love you Nd miss you so..

Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

I love you

4th of July

Happy 4th of July sweet girls,

I hope you are enjoying the fireworks. They are too loud here so I hope you are just getting to see the beautiful bright colors. This is yet another holiday first without you, but I am so hoping it was a good day for you. Actually I know all your days are wonderful & amazing days because of where you are and who you are with.

I miss you baby girls. Today was really hard. I went into your room today and actually cleaned some stuff out, And it tore my heart into pieces. The onesies your grandma bought you two, the ones your aunt did, the snow bear outfits your daddy and I picked out for you.. They were all for you, and now I'll never see you in them. I don't even know if I can bear to keep the rocking chair in there because just looking at it hurts. I can remember everyday going in there an listening to music and rocking with you Nd singing and rubbing my belly.. Telling you how much I loved you and couldn't wait to meet you both..

Goodnight my beautiful baby girls, my heart is yours .. Always and forever

I love you Alena Marie and Jamie Rae.. I love you.

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be... "

Love.

Hey baby girls, 

Writing a little later tonight. We had another bible study, and it went nice. I brought the dessert this time, I made a Reese cheesecake recipe. I think it turned out pretty good. 

I always enjoy getting together with your aunts and the other ladies for our weekly bible group, i believe it all does us good, and we are getting together to talk about wonderful things and discussing how to be better people and better Christians every day.. It's nice. Especially in this world of hate, and lying and murder and just like living in a crazy house.. At the end of the day we always have God . And my beautiful baby girl angels .. 

It's still so hard to say that, I should just be saying my baby girls.. I'm so sorry, I cannot express or tell you how sorry I am every. Single. Day. 

I love you baby dolls, I love you both so much. You are my heart, you are truly my heart, my very being. I love you both with more then I can say . 

I miss you pretty girls. Goodnight.. 

Xoxox, mommy 

Always & forever

" I'll love you forever

I'll like you for always 

As long as I'm living 

My babies you'll be.." 

Sweet baby girls

Hey love bugs,

Today I went to therapy again. I think today was a really good day with her. We got to talk about you two a lot, and I was glad because I wanted to. But I hope or I feel I am getting somewhere to where I can be ok, but we shall see I guess. But I felt good today afterwards.

I just want you to know I love you both so very very much. I miss you... I love you. I think about you all the time.. It doesn't feel right not too. You are my number one thought when I wake up, and the last thing I think about before I go to bed. I hate nighttime, I really do.

Goodnight my beautiful angels, oh how I miss your beautiful beautiful faces.

I love you, always & forever. I miss you dearly.

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Alone.

Hey sweet baby girls,

Today was an ok day. Just a long one. I did your aunt Ashley's and grandmas hair today. It somehow never fails everyone needs it done at the same time again. So that makes for a pretty early night for me. Your daddy has become obsessed with playing computer games with your uncle Patrick, so fun for him.. Not much for me.

So I'm gonna say goodnight. Going to try and read some of the bible and have some positive thoughts before bed, try to have not as hard of a night as last night. But my sweet angels, I love and miss you both dearly.

Goodnight beautiful girls,

I love you. And miss you. Anyways & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."