Remembering

Hey sweet loves,

Today I feel .. Idk how I feel today. I was telling grandpa earlier how I hate I am now that " glass half empty person" ; pessimistic. I like to think I have not always been like that, I have tried to be an optimistic , happy , " glass half full" kinda girl. It's so very hard to be positive, to look forward to the future... To have faith things are going to be better... And be strong enough to try ..

I need help, I know I do. I feel like I just need to be hit so hard with something to knock myself back into a positive state of mind, to know that faith is enough, and I have to rely on that to get me.. Us through. Your daddy is very positive, and knows things are going to work out. But I fought so hard to stay positive about us, about our situation, and look what happened.

I know you're probably mad at me for writing that, for sounding like I'm giving up. I want you to know that I'm not, but I do think about it. I'm not strong right now , I am weak.. And that is the easy way, and sometimes feels like the only way..

But you are my angels, my saving grace, because you make me want to be strong, and try to be better.. And to know a miracle again...

I love you, I miss you so much..

Goodnight my sweet angels, I love you both so so much.

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."