Miss you

Hey love bugs,

Today I had a breakdown with one of my clients. She is a good friend of mine as well, and I have been through a good bit with her. She has went through some really hard and dark times in her life, and I've been with her through many of it. But one thing is that she has prevailed through it all.. With her faith.

She has recently been diagnosed with a rare and deadly form of MS , it causes her to have seizures, short term memory loss ( some form of dimensia) , and her body suffers from easy bruising, severe aches and pains, and various other problems. She is 30 years old, and she has been told it is terminal. She has a little boy and 2 little girls, one of which was lost due to miscarriage. She also lost her mom at a young age, and recently lost the last member of her family on her mothers side. She has battled with depression, and drug addiction. She almost lost her husband, and her children. But through it all, she said she's not afraid, that she has made peace with the fact she is going to die, and that it's not that part that she is scared of, she says " what could be better then being with Jesus?" She says she is most afraid that the only memories her children will have of a mother, is a stepmother.

She comes in and we talk and talk, and the last couple of times I've seen her I've broken down and cried, and she cries with me and prays, and we just help each other. I told her today I don't understand anything , why you're not here, why his happened, and how hard every day is to get through, how hard it is to wake up everyday without you here.. And how since last time I saw her.. I write in my journal your aunt emily got me.. And say how thankful I am I can remember.. That even though my time tip you was far too short, I can remember it, I can remember you..

And I am girls. I got cheated in so many ways with you,, we all did. And I feel you did, that we have SO much love to give, and it was all for you beautiful girls, and you won't get it, at least for now.. But I know you, and I felt you, and I saw your beautiful faces and hands and feet and everything, and I can remember you. I pray every night to see you in my dreams, and I pray every night that you remember me..

Don't forget me please, don't forget your mommy. I love you both so much, you are my world, you're my everything... Not a day goes by that you aren't on my mind..

I love you Alena Marie and Jamie Rae.. I love you.

Goodnight sweet girls, I miss you..

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."