I'm sorry

Hi baby girls,

I'm sorry. I just want you to know everyday that I'm sorry .. And how much I miss you. How much time has been lost without you. I was in target today and I've been wanting to read this book called "heaven is for real" . It was written by a little 5 year old boy at the time. I haven't read all of it, and I was just reading pieces , but it made me want to cry, it was so unbelievable and sweet..

Children are so innocent, they see the world in a completely different way, because they don't know all the evil and bad things in the world, and I'm so thankful that out of All the things that have to be in this world, that hasn't changed. And that's how the little boy is in the book, he talks about heaven in the most beautiful way, it's exactly how you would picture it. Like I said I haven't read all of it, but I wanted to read a specific part, and I did..

This little boy was apparently in surgery when he went to heaven. He heart didn't stop, he didn't go into a coma, nothing. He didn't die, but he went to heaven. Before he and his sister were born, his mom had a miscarriage, that he knew NOTHING about . He went up to his mom and told her he had two sisters, and his mom said "no honey , you don't." And he said " yes I do, I saw her in heaven." He the proceeded to tell his mom and dad about this little girl that came right up to him and hugged him, wouldn't let go of his hand , and how she had dark hair just like her... He then said " god had adopted her." Their parents never knew she was a girl either..

That was so profound to me. I almost started crying in target, I actually teared up. I just ways think about how you are in a better place, and no pain you will ever feel, but it still hurts.. I miss you girls so much, but reading that today made my heart smile, made me miss you so much, but gave me a little bit of hope, a little bit of light in this darkness. I'm going to try to always remember that when I get really sad..

I miss you both so much. The house is way too quiet without you, the nights too long. We barely have opened the door to what was going to be your room.. I go I there sometimes , but idk..

I just want you to know how much I love you, how much I miss you.. How much you are truly honestly and forever loved..

Always & forever

Goodnight babies , I love you..

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."