Group

Hey baby girls,

We went to the Spartanburg group meeting tonight for the first time. I haven't been to that one yet because they hold it in the hospital , and I can't go back there, not yet.. Too much pain. I think I freaked out and had a panic attack , so we have just been doing Greenville, but tried this one tonight.

Debbie, our L&D nurse is one of the facilitators , and I was really worried about how I would feel/ be around her. It wasn't as bad as I thought, but those group meetings are always a hard, honestly. You would have been proud of your daddy, he opened up a lot more then usual, and I was very glad he did. I get worried he holds everything in, and doesn't want to upset me and it makes me feel good that he will talk and open up. It was a smaller group, 3 other couple besides us. There was also a pediatric chaplain there, and she really asked questions, that I hope help us all..

I feel I may need to start seeing a therapist, I'm actually not sure what I need or want. Besides you here.. That's really all I need.. It's all I want.

Before we left, sherry asked us what it is that we most need right now, what will help us. We didn't get to answer, so James asked me in the car, and I said faith. I just need faith in something, in everything. That we are gonna make it through this, together. That we will be able to give you siblings, here with us.. That I can make you proud...idk

All I know anymore is hat I love you girls, I love you with my whole heart.. And I always will. Forever and always.. I miss you so much..

Don't forget me, please..

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."