Hey my beautiful baby girls,
I thought I was doing ok today, but I'm afraid tonight is going to be hard. I'm going to read And pray some before bed, I'm hoping it will bring me some peace.
Your aunt and uncles friend had her baby yesterday, and it really upset me. Not in the way of wishing ill On her or her baby.. But how it seems its so hard for us, and I'm so so worried.. Deep down in my heart I am afraid this is the starting and ending point for us, that this is it. And how we should have been having such an exciting, amazing beautiful moment with you two just a month ago, and it was stolen from us..
I can believe how many milestones I'm missing, that we are missing together. I'm sitting her thinking about how I won't see you go to school, your first date, your first dance.. Your wedding. I wont get to do your hair, your daddy doesn't get to walk you down the aisle.. I won't see your babies. GAHH I JUST HATE ALL OF THIS! YOU SHOULD BE HERE, OR WE SHOULD BE TOGETHER!!!! I'm not screaming at you.. I'm just hurting and yelling in my heart and head.
But I can focus on seeing you again, on being positive and trying to be a good person, a good Christian so I know when the day comes.. I will be running through those gates to see your beautiful faces.. And I can promise you on the entirety of my heart, of my soul, I'll NEVER ever put you down or spend a sec away from you. I promise.
Goodnight my beautiful angels, one more day down.
I love you so so so very much. I miss you always.
Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy
" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living.
My babies you'll be.."
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