Grandparent group

Hey baby girls,

Today was ok. I didn't have too long of a day at work, an easy one. I have to work the next couple of weekends though so that's gonna be kinda rough.

Tonight was group. We were told last time about bringing family , so I had your grandpa, grandma, and aunt Emily come. At first I told them they could stay home, and I changed my mind last minute so I made them late.. I felt bad. Everyone had at least their mom there, and then sisters, cousins, but grandpa was the only grandpa there.. I was very glad he came. I know losing you has caused him so much pain, I get worried about him .. But he came and I was so very grateful they all did. Your grandma and aunt Emily talked a little, and It made me feel good that they felt they could open up and talk, and I learned some things about how they feel that I didn't before. I'm so thankful for them girls, im so thankful that this is your family. It causes me so much pain to think that though, because how you won't know them now. But as long as we can send you our love, I guess that should be enough , right??

God, idk. What's enough to send you, what's enough to feel, what's enough crying, enough pain, enough hurt?? I always cry at these meetings, I try not too. But it's like getting together and talking about our pain, our losses.. It just brings it all up again. Maybe that's apart of the grieving process? Who knows anything about grief, except that it sucks, and screws up everything in your life. You weren't supposed to come so early, you weren't supposed to die, you weren't supposed to leave me .. I wasn't supposed to be a grieving mom. But things don't always go the way we plan or thee way they should I guess, just another thing for me to accept.

All I can say that is with my whole heart, my whole being, my whole soul is that I love you. You two are the best parts of my life, my very being. My daughters, my loves of my life, my miracles. I love you to the ends of the world, and more. You are everything to me , absolutely everything. I'll never forget you, I'll never stop missing you, I'll never stop loving you with every ounce of my being.. Never. I promise baby girls.. I promise.

Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
 As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."