Sweet

Hey baby loves,

Today was a nice day I spent with your grandma. We haven't been home for a while so we didn't have a lot of food, so she took me grocery shopping. I give her props, I'm not the nicest/happiest person to be around, but she still acts like I am ok to hang out with.

I miss you both so much. Why can't I do this? Why is everyday so scary? I feel I am going to wake up everyday and live my life in fear for the rest of my life. Everybody says I just need to make the choice to stop it, to not think like that and be positive and have a bright outlook.. But you know what, I honestly feel like I can't. I feel like I have let it go so far, and I can't feel it back it. But as I sit here typing this to you, ifeel like I should smack myself in the face. How wrong am I, how selfish? You didn't even get to experience this life here, and I still get to, and I am complaining to you or crying ..

You girls are my saving glory, my reasons for everything. I know I can't give up on you, on me, on us.. On our future. I have to keep trying, I can't disappoint you again.. I just can't. You make me want to be a better person, to try harder, to make the world know that you made the LARGEST difference I the world.. The most important footprints on my heart.

I love you sweet angels, thank you for being my everything.. For keeping my alive and making me remember how to breathe, when lately it's the last thing I want to do.

I love you baby girls, always & forever.. Never forget me.

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."