Crazy

Hey my pretty babies.

Today the rain actually stopped and gave us a break, and it was a much needed one. I believe everyone got outside and did their yard work today. It hasn't stopped raining for almost a week now..I'm not sure if it is supposed to start up again tomorrow, but it would be wonderful to have more sun.

I'm afraid that with everything that has happened girls, that your mom is really losing it. I find myself  somewhat going crazy, and having a really hard time with things. I'm not sure if my perception with reality and what i thought life was going to be like has completely reversed because of losing you two.. But I really feel somedays I am not myself anymore, and idk who I am. I feel like an out of body, that I am watching myself truly go off the deep end.. Your grandma says I've got to take some control and reel it back in.. Maybe this is what I want, and it worries me.

I keep saying and praying and hoping for positive things, but my mind is set on negative, and that that is all that is happening for me, so I guess I see it more then I'd like. I've gotta pull myself out of this hole, it's a very horrible, hard place to be.

Goodnight my angels, I love you very very much. I miss you. I'll pray for my dreams to be of you..

I love you baby girls, mommy loves you so much..

Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."