Its hard without you..

My sweet Alena and Jamie,

Today i felt myself talking a little more and laughing some. I feel bad for that. This is the stuff your family and daddy have been trying to talk to me about. That its okay , that i need to accept that it is okay, and that i dont need to punish myself everytime i feel normal? I dont know if that is the right word, but its something. I find myself taking 2 steps forward, and 5 steps back some times with this grief. I know there will come a day where there is a peace that will come over me and that I will truly know that you are where you are supposed to be.. right now its just too hard to accept at times.

My sweet, sweet girls. Sometimes i feel i have nothing to say, right now all i have is 
I miss you.
I love you.
I wish you were here with us.

Those three thoughts go through my head every morning, every night, actually all day every day. I miss feeling you when i drank/ate different foods, when i rolled over in bed, when i placed my hands on you and you moved for me or daddy. I miss playing lullabyes for you, i miss rocking you. I miss the future plans and dreams i had for you that i have had to let go. I miss the memories we never got to make..

I was beyond blessed that i was going to be your mom, but i couldnt wait to see you with your dad. He is such a sweetheart, and you two girls would've been the apple of his eye, well i know you are. It made me so happy when he got to feel you move, the look on his face.. you KNOW he loves you sweethearts, oh man does he ever. You would be proud of him, he is so strong. He is helping me, pushing me to remain strong in my faith, supporting me in all the issues i have. I love him girls, and i know you would've too. Hes a good man, too good for me.

Im so upset we didnt have more time, but i am VERY thankful for the time we did have. I wont ever forget you moving in there, seeing you, feeling you.. I will remember all of that for the rest of my life. Along with your beautiful faces, and my undying love for you. 

Alena & Jamie, i love you two so much. You are our angels, our lives. I believe we are the luckiest people on this Earth, to have the two most beautiful guardian angels looking out for us. I am beyond blessed for the time i had with you here, and i look forward to when i will get to have you in my arms again, to see those beautiful faces again. Thank you for being my daughters, for blessing and forever changing my life.

" Ill love you forever
Ill like you for always
As long as im living 
My babies youll be" 

Goodnight angels. I love you always.