Goodnight..

My Dear Alena & Jamie,

Goodnight my sweet angels. You would be proud of mommy today, i had a better day today. I still miss you oh so much, but it was an ok day today..

Im thinking about trying to go back to work next week, im not quite sure how i want to handle everything with my clients and talking to people, but maybe i need to try it? I dont know.. things are never ever going to be anything like before without you two here with us, but i guess i need to try and get some normalcy back. Its just not going to be the same..

I keep thinking that i may not be good anymore at what i do, and that im going to be a completely different person then before and maybe people wont want to come to me anymore.. i guess all i can do is try. I talked with one of the nurses from the OB office today, she lost her little boy at 28 weeks. She talked about how i need to stay strong in my faith, and know that while i dont understand and have a lot of questions that wont have answers anytime soon, that God needed you more then me. She was very sweet and it was nice to talk with her.. maybe it is nice to talk to other people who have ( as horrible as this is people have to experience it) had a loss like this. 

Daddy and I miss you a lot. We love you so much, our sweet sweet girls. You were our first born, our pride and joy, our miracle babies. I cherish and miss feeling you move and roll around and kick. I know i say this all the time but i truly hurt over all the memories we wont get to make with you..

I bought 2 more pink roses to put by your urn. Daddy and I want to find some really pretty pink flowers to put in your shadow box. 

I want to tell you i love you. I love you a lot. Please dont ever forget that. Remember that always, and hold on to it. Like i hold on to you, very very tightly. Like i said, you have half my heart with you two.

Love you sweet hearts. Miss you so much.

Goodnight.

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as im living
My babies you'll be.."