Yesterday was 2 weeks since you graced us with your beautiful presence. It was also the day you left us. The pain and sadness makes it feel like it was just yesterday..
We put your shadow box together today. It looks quite beautiful.. but its just so wrong. I should be getting to put all this together in your baby books, not a memory box.. but its what we have, and i have to deal with it.
Daddy and Grandpa made your mantel today, its going to be beautiful. We are going to put your urn, flowers and ultrasound pictures up there. That way whenever someone comes over, you will be there too.
I keep looking at your footprints, how little, how precious. I wouldve been kissing those hands and feet all the time with you here, now its just another thing i have to put on hold until we see you again. I miss you.
I feel like everyone is having babies or getting pregnant. I know girls that i have to accept that its life, and just carry on, but its hard. I was so excited to get to show you off, dress you in pink all the time, and just love on you and love you up as much as i could. This is so hard.. its just so hard. The girls i talk to on the support groups online all say its going to get easier, it wont be so hard everyday.. I can believe that somedays, but then the other days it just all rains down on me.
Im glad youre ok. Im glad youre not suffering, and im glad your happy. I worried so much about you Alena, if i was laying some way where you werent getting enough fluid, or if moving hurt you. I also was afraid that since you werent protected as much laying certain ways would smush you or Jamie would be on top of you, and that scared me so much. I have peace in my heart for that fact that now i know for sure you arent suffering.. Jamie didnt want to leave you either.. Now & Forever you will have each other. I know with you being twins that you have that special connection, and i got to be a part of that. Im so thankful for you girls, i was so blessed to have carried you with me for 5 months.. so lucky. How i pray and wish EVERY SINGLE DAY that we would have been forever together.. but i guess that was our time. I dont understand and never will.
I love you both so much, i truly truly do. Dont forget that, ever. I miss you , gosh how i miss you. You are my heart, my half of heart that is still here with me. Ill hold on till we can be put back together again my loves..
" Ill love you forever
Ill like you for always
As long as im living
My babies youll be.."
Goodnight my angels. Mommy loves you always...
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