March of dimes

Hey beautiful girls,

Today was the last march of dimes rally before the walk next month. I went with your aunt Ashley, delaney and family friend, Kim. I had a rough night the night before, and this morning wasn't that much better. Your grandma told me not to go if I couldn't handle it, but I needed to go, if not for me, for you two wonderful girls. I have to be strong for you, I just have too.

It was ok. They show videos of the ambassador familes, and that was the hardest part. They showed this little baby girl who had been born early, and her NICU stay.. And I couldn't help but tear up and cry.

Sometimes these days never end, and then nighttime finally comes, and then it just starts all over.. And it's neverending nightmare, anymore.

I just wish, I wish and I pray and I cry.. I just want you to be here.. I cherish the time we had together deeply.. But I still feel cheated, in so many ways. I had been waiting my whole life for you.. Your daddy and I had been. When all else seemed to fail and we were not sure what was going to happen, two miracles.. You girls were brought into our lives.

I know you are In a far better place, and it's me that is wAnting to be with you .. But I have to accept this .. Somehow, someway.. No parent should ever have to feel this way. This is a pain I would never wish on anyone.. Ever.

I love you my sweet baby girls. Always and forever, remember.

Goodnight, xoxo mommy

"I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."