My sweet babies,

Your blog is going to look weird for a couple of days..I'm trying to fix it and move things around but for some reason it's not letting me do very much tonight, so I promise ill fix it this week.

I love you sweet peas,I love you both so much. Thank you for everything. Thank you baby girls for being my everything's, my very reason. I love you Alena and Jamie..I love you girls.
Always & forever

Goodnight my loves,sweet dreams.

Xoxo,mommy

"I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as Im living
My babies you'll be..."

Hey sweet peas,

Today we hung out at grandma and grandpas house. The boys all helped with clearing out the front yard with the "million" trees they have at their house. So it was a nice day.. I see you came to visit us a couple of times..

Thank you baby girls, for being exactly that, my baby girls. Blessings in our lives, miracles in the truest form. I love you girls so very very much, I truly do. Thank you for being our guardian angels, for the many blessings and the looking out for us I know you are doing.. Thank you Alena and Jamie...

I love you sweet peas, I love you.
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Goodnight my sweet girls, I am very tired and don't have much to write, not much really went on today.

I love you very very much, and miss you so very much..

Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

End

Hey my sweet girls,

We have almost reached the end of sept, the end of another month. I think this one has been better then some, for sure. I guess it's just like the days too, some are better then others.

Goodnight my sweet beautiful girls, I love you both so very very much. We got our letter in the mail from the hospital about the walk to remember they do in honor of all you sweet babies. It's in a couple of weeks. I had a really hard time thinking about it, about you, about everything.

I miss my sweet girls. Your beautiful faces, your energetic selves.. I was so excited to watch you two grow up together and interact with each other. I couldn't wait for all the fun and memories we were going to make together..

I love you I miss you.

Always& forever
Xoxo, mommy

"I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be..."

Hey sweet girls,

Tonight I went and subbed at the school again. It was a better night tonight, that was nice.

I'm still having a hard time answering the questions " do you have any kids?" Not in The way of acknowledging you, but in how to say it. I usually say "yes, but not with me.. " and then people ask where you are and then I feel like they should have already known the answer and not ask anymore.. Idk it's just a hard and confusing question to answer, one i feel I will never be prepared for.. But i know you girls are helping me everyday, because if you weren't...I wouldn't be here.

Goodnight my sweet beautiful girls, i love you so so so much.

Always & forever
Xoxo,mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

My girls

Hey love bugs,

Today was a very interesting day. Not anything I thought it was going to be. But it's okay, just a learning experience right?

I am so tired my sweet girls, I'm so sorry my posts haven't been long, or much of anything. Sometimes I find it so hard to think of things to say, or figure out what to say .. Because this is so hard, Nd nothing seems to be right or enough to say. I miss you so much my baby girls, I love you so so very much.

I miss you. I miss you every single second of everyday. My heart aches for you so much. You are my sweet little miracles, my everything's. My loves.

Goodnight my beautiful girls, I love you so much. And miss you both

Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Emotional.

Hey baby loves,

Today has been a busy day, making for one tired momma, but grateful for a busy day.

The weather has been cooling down a lot, it's been really pretty. Fall is pretty much here, possibly my favorite season. I think everyone is obsessed with the pumpkin smells, and the chunky sweaters, and the cuddle weather. I wonder if you get to experience changes of seasons in heaven?? I bet it's beautiful ..

I miss you both so much, and love you, love you , love you.
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as im living
My babies you'll be..."

Hey my sweet baby girls,

I miss you both so much, my sweet little girls. I'm so sorry this won't be a long post tonight, I'm so tired I'm having a hard time keeping my eyes open. Just know I love you both tremendously, and miss you terribly.

Thank you for being my sweet miracles, my wonderful blessings, and the for being our guardian angels and watching over all of us.. I love you my sweet Alena and Jamie.. I love you.

Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be..."

Hi sweet peas,m

Today's been a pretty good day. Daddy and I went shopping today to get me some new clothes for my new teaching job weds. I am pretty excited to start, but also pretty nervous. I am hoping I am making the right decision right now... But I am continuing to try and keep my faith in The Lord, and trust that he knows what he is doing,, which I know you are telling me right now that he does.

Goodnight my sweet beautiful angels. Thank you for being our blessings, our miracles, and for the blessings you continue to bring into our lives .. No matter how small or big.

I love you both so very very much, and miss you terribly. I hope you know everyday how much I truly do love you my sweet baby girls.

Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Anxious

Hey baby loves,

We are officially home. We got home earlier this morning, picked up Carly and cleaned her up, and got home and have been resting and relaxing. It was a cloudy day when we left the beach, and we came home to a good bit of rain, so we have just been hanging out inside. It's been nice, I'm tired.

I start my new job weds girls, I hope I can do this. I'm gonna try , that's the least I can do right?

Thank you for watching over us, and being our wonderful miracles, our beautiful blessings. I know you are my guardian angels in so many more ways then one , you really are so wonderful. In as many ways I get upset because you are gone and not here with me, I thank The Lord above that I was blessed to have you in my life as long as I got to. It doesn't help me all the time, but I try to be happy and thankful about our time  instead of broken and hurt all the time. I feel jaded girls...

Goodnight my beautiful angels, I love you so very much. I miss you always.
Thank you baby girls..

Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Babyloves, 

Tonight is our last night at the beach, we are heading home in the morning. 

I think Im doing a little bit better today, as you know I wasn't doing so great last night . I guess just no sleep, emotions, and a bunch of other things doesn't help huh?? 

I love you so very very much, and miss you so terribly. Everyday I wish you were here my loves, everyday.

Goodnight baby girls, I love you so so very much. 

Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy 

" I'll love you forever

I'll like you for always 

As long as I'm living 

My babies you'll be.."

Missing you..

My dear sweet girls,

I am missing you both so very much lately. I was doing good in not wanting to cry all the time, and I feel I am sometimes taking two steps back.

We all went and walked around at barefoot landing tonight, and I saw multiple sets of twins, even two little girls that would be close to your age right now. I found myself just staring at them, at what could've been..

I love you so much Alena and Jamie. I remember everything about the day you were born, but I find myself fighting to remember some things some days. Every little detail is burned into my memory, but at the same time I'm not sure if its my brains way of coping or what, but I find myself struggling to remember , and I hate it so much.

My dear girls, I hope you've never had to doubt my love, never had to doubt my pain for missing you, my anguish in being alone without you, my broken heart of losing you both.. I love you so very much, so very much...

Thank you for being our angels, for watching over us and the wonderful blessings you are, and in the amazing blessings you have watched over for us. Thanks for the words I know you put in for us with the " big guy" upstairs.

I love you baby girls, with my whole entire being. I love and miss you so very much.

Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

My dear darlings,

We are still vacationing at the beach right now. There are some beautiful sunsets and sunrises. The weather has been real pretty. It's cooler then when we normally come, and the water is still really warm.

I'm sorry we are not at home to say goodnight, and light your candle before bed. I feel bad when we are not able to do that, when we are away from home.

I love you my sweet beautiful angels, I love you both so very very much. I miss you terribly, and wish so much you were here. Everyday I wish that.

I love you baby girls. Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Goodnight my beautiful angels,

I love you both and miss you so very terribly.

I love you so much.
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Beach 2013

My dear baby girls,

Daddy and I are at the beach this week with our/your family. I was looking out the window of the condo today and was thinking about how little you would be if you were here right now. How we would be bundling you up into hats and clothes and tons of sunscreen, well honestly if you would've came on your due date, you might've been too little to be in the sun . But I was just looking at the water thinking about you and how much I wish you were here with me..

I just want to keep telling you how you truly are guardian angels, and thank you so much for being there watching over us, and guiding us. Thank you for making me a mom, for being my perfect little girls, my wonderful blessings in this life .

I love you my babies, I love you both so very very much. I miss you terribly.

Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Hey baby girls,

I was just standing in the spare bedroom staring at the memory box you're daddy really wanted to make of all your things.. I haven't really sat and looked at all of that in a while, and sometimes I feel I just need to take a moment and do that.

I can't believe how little your hands and feet were, but how perfect. Five fingers, five toes.. Just perfect little angels, honestly is all you were. It's so scary though to look at how little everything was.. How little you weighed, how long you were, and how each set of you girls footprints fit onto a sand dollar.. I mean, what is this? How do we look at all this and comprehend it and understand how this truly happened? How these two beautiful little girls, who were supposed to be here now, aren't. Idk, I know I won't ever understand, that I know for sure.. But some days I can accept it better then others, but most days I can't. It's just not the way, it's just not.

Goodnight my beautiful angels, I love you and miss you terribly , I really really do.

Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be..."

Hey my sweet beautiful girls,

Today has been a stressful , scary kinda day. I am just praying for you girls to keep watching over us, and being our guardian angels. I am hoping I fall asleep quickly tonight, and can have a much better day tomorrow...

I love you my sweet angels, and I didn't want to write a big , sad, anxious entry to you tonight. So I say goodnight, and I love you both do very very much. I miss you dearly,everyday.

Goodnight baby girls, I love you
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" ill love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

My dear baby loves,

Today was a long day.. Long day but a good day. I want to thank you both so much for always looking after daddy and I, for being our guardian angels. We are so very blessed to have two beautiful, perfect,wonderful angels watching over us. I just wish sometimes you would visit me..

We are going away soon, and I hope to think of something beautiful and meaningful to do for you two. I love you sweet angels, I love you both so very very much.

Goodnight baby girls. May you always know my love for you both, and how much I miss you both.
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

8.

Hey sweethearts,

Today marks 8 months since we've had to let go and say goodbye. I always anticipate the 12th of the months, because I never know how I am going to feel. Sometimes it can be worse then others, I think I'm starting to just realize no matter what everyday is going to be hard in its own way, honestly.

I'm anxious, worried, stressed, sad, mad, hurt... I am honestly a mess of emotions every single day. I don't know how pretty much anyone can deal with me or be around me. I just pray everyday I'll make it somehow to see you again.

Goodnight my beautiful baby girls, I love you both so very very much.. I miss you terribly.

Forever and always
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

My sweet girls,

Tomorrow is going to be 8 months. I can't believe it. I've been thinking about it for the past couple of days, and I just... I can't believe it. I always feel like this just happened yesterday, and then it feels like its you've been Gone for so much longer. I miss you both so much. Everything is so wrong, so backwards, so lonely without you two. Life is but an endless journey, that I am struggling to find meaning in without you two here. I am very blessed to have to your daddy and your family.. But it doesn't always make this easier, or make me miss you two any less.. I just wanted to bring to home... I just wanted to start our lives together girls..

Other people have been having dreams about you two. I think it's beautiful that so many people know of you and dream about you.. But why can't you come to me? Why won't you come to me? Why can't I know you are okay, why can't you confirm that? I need to know this, I need to know that you are hearing my prayers, and me telling you how much I love you and miss you both..please come see me soon, or open my heart and eyes to reach for you and see you..

Goodnight my beautiful angels, I love you and miss you both so very terribly. My heart aches for you every single day.

Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

My sweet girls, 

Today I had an emotional meeting. I just have been missing you too so much, and feeling like I'm not doing a very good job... Idk . Everything will always feels so backwards, so empty.. Nothing Like it was supposed to be. But I just keep hoping, and I just keep praying.. And I just keep writing you hoping somehow this is reaching you girls..

Goodnight my beautiful angels, I miss you so much and hope to dream of you tonight,, come visit me.. 

I love you, I love you so much. 

Forever & always

Xoxo, mommy 

" I'll love you forever

I'll like you for always 

As long as I'm living 

My babies you'll be.."

Missing so much

My dear girls,

Today I had a harder day. A dear friend of me and your daddy's keeps saying you are I siting her in her dreams. They are beautiful and heart wrenching .. And makes me wonder why you're not visiting me... Or if my heart can't take it, couldn't handle it?? Idk I feel I would do anything to see you and get to see your faces agin. I miss you girls so much, and I'm do scared everyday I'm forgetting a little more.

Please don't let me!!! Don't let my mind forget, I know my heart never will.. Don't forget me baby girls, I love you both so terribly much.. I love you.

Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Missyou.

Hey baby loves,

Writing again to say goodnight. Daddy came home from Georgia today, like I said just was a quick trip. I know he was only gone a day but I'm so glad he's home, I don't like being by myself and when he's gone I don't have any of you.. So I don't like it.

We have one week until we leave for the beach. I really want to think of something beautiful to do for you there in memory.. But I'm not sure yet... It's hard sometimes because I never feel like anything is ever good enough for you two, that it doesn't mean Enough or I didn't put enough thought in it.

Goodnight my beautiful baby girls, I love you and miss you so very terribly. Every night I wish I was rocking you to sleep, kissing your beautiful faces and watching you dream...

I love you girls.
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be..."

Hey baby loves,

Daddy went to visit his mom. Your grandma had hip replacement surgery, so he went to visit her. I miss him, normally we are always together , so this is kinda weird. But I am glad he is getting to visit by himself too, I think that's a nice thing for them.

Today was an okay day. I've been spending it with grandma and grandpa and your aunts and niece. Just a normal day. I miss you both so very very much. I look at laney all the time and just wonder how different you would be, or how motherly she would act towards you.. Because she just loves babies right now. It makes me so sad because I know she would just be loving on you two So so so much. Well, honestly everyone would..

Goodnight my beautiful angels,

I love you so terribly much , I miss you so..

Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

" ill love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Hopeful.

Hey darling girls,

Another Friday. Another late night.

I miss you girls, I wish you were here so much. These nights are so empty, and so lonely. Your daddy and I aren't the same without you two.. I love you sweet girls, I love you so so so much.

Always & forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Hey baby loves,

I'm thinking about you so very much lately. I'm praying that you are looking out for us right now, we could use a little extra prayers right now. Thank you for being our wonderful, most perfect guardian angels.

Goodnight my beautiful angels, I love you both so very very much. I miss you terribly.

I love you.
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Hey sweet peas,

Ive been a very anxious, tired person today. I've been praying a lot, and been hoping you girls have been with us all day..

I love you my sweet angels, gosh I love you girls both so so much.
I miss you so very much..

Always & forever

Xoxo,mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Hey sweet things,

I bet you were looking down on your momma today wondering if she has gone crazy... I really wonder if I have. Today was honestly a quite horrible day. I'm just glad I got through it! I told the girls at the salon I am DONE doing color corrections and helping people who insist on doing their color at home,, nope, not doing it anymore.

Your daddy came up Ad brought me some dinner, that was really sweet of him. He always knows how to make things better , a trait I know you girls got from him, because things were always better because of you two..

Goodnight my beautiful angels,
May you always know how much I love you , how much I truly love you.

Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
Ill like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

Hey my lovely girls,

Today was an early morning and even though I didn't do much of anything today.. I am exhausted. I went and met your daddy for Lunch today in Greenville. I know he's really tired too, he is finishing up homework And I'm sure will be going to bed soon. Tomorrow is going to be a long busy day for me, so I'll prolly be passing out early tomorrow too .

Oh my beautiful girls, I miss you both so so much. I still am in shock most days that this is our life, and it's like every morning I wake up.. I have to go through it all again.. Like I said, it's honestly a nightmare I can't wake up from.

Goodnight baby girls, I love you so so very very much.
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

My dear baby girls,

Today was just a lazy day. Daddy worked on some school stuff and I did some stuff in the house. We got up early for church and didn't get to bed till late, so we have been pretty tired, lounging around.

We were watching something on tv, and it was about kids asking for puppies/kittens, or I guess animals in general. I kept telling your daddy that you girls could've and would've gotten anything you wanted from him.. You would've had him wrapped around your fingers. He wouldn't have stood a chance. It was crazy to be able to talk about you like that, and not get horribly upset. It made me smile, to know how much your daddy loves you, and how I know he would've given you the world if you asked for it. He loves you girls so much, and his heart breaks every day and night as mine does without you two in it. Our lives are so incomplete without you..

I love you my sweet angels. Thank you for sending your butterfly my way again.. I miss you both so terribly much. I love you, I love you...

Always & forever
Xoxo,mommy

" I'll love you forever
Ill like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."