October 31

Happy Halloween darlings,

Our neighborhood doesn't get hit with many trick or treaters, it's kinda small. I believe there was some walking around earlier. I'm watching the nightmare before Christmas, it's one of my favorite movies.. I would've made you watch it with me, I know you would've liked it like your momma does.

Today was an okay day today. Daddy has still been pretty busy with homework, so that's been leaving me to kinda just be by myself. I'm very proud of him , he really has been working hard even though he's not a fan of school at all. He's been doing really good girls.

I wish so much you were here.. Here with Me. Here with us..

Goodnight my beautiful angels, I love you both so very very much.
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

October 30

My dear girls,

Halloween is tomorrow. It would have been your 1st. I had a lot of different ideas I had thought about for you two. Princesses, thing 1& 2..just fun cute different costumes for twins. Well I actually had a lot of ideas , for a lot of things. Just another something to accept and get used to I guess..

I'm not trying to act like people need to feel sorry for me, or feel bad for me. That doesn't help anything or change anything.. Nothing does. I just miss you both so much, and certain times are harder then others, because we got cheated of the lives we were to have together, the memories to share and create, the love.

My sweet girls, you are in a much safer and better place then I could ever have made for you.. But it doesn't mean I don't miss you any less, or am less selfish. I miss you girls, I really do.


I love you girls, I love you so so so very much.

Always &forever

Xoxo,mommy

" I'll love you forever
Ill like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

October 29

My sweet angels,

I'm having a hard time tonight. I was looking at your u/s pictures, and just keep realizing how those will be the only pictures we have of you , that we will ever have.

By the time we could even do 4d u/s , we couldn't even get one of you Alena, you had lost so much fluid. Jamie is so little in hers, and I remember the day so vividly. I was laying there with my hand on my head in a fist and the u/s tech goes " look, she is posing just like her momma." I remember laying there at those u/s loving seeing you, but so scared everytime we went, because we never knew when would be the last time... I so regret we never got a good 4d picture of you Alena, because it's all I have, And I needed one of you.

I can be strong girls, or at least try. That's what I'm trying to do it right now, because I know you would be mad at me for certain things if I wasn't at least trying. I just, gosh I miss you both so much, I just truly truly miss you, and my heart aches for you girls every single day.

I love you my sweet , beautiful, miracle baby girls.. I love you darlings.
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be..."

October 28

Hello my darlings,

Today I slept a little too much, if there is such thing. That 12 hour class was definitely tiring.

Daddy and if haven't been up to too much lately. He has been studying and doing stuff for school. He doesn't seem to like it much at all, I know he keeps saying school is not for him..but he is doing really good. I know you are proud of him girls.

Things are okay, like I always say.. We have our good days and our bad. I feel I always have the worst days, but your daddy is just a lot stronger then me , I know he is.

I miss you both so very very much, somedays I can't even get through it, make a way through it. My sweet sweet girls, I love you so terribly much. And just want you to know, I just need you to know. I need you to know how much I love you, how much you mean to me, how much I miss you. Don't forget me baby girls, don't forget me..

Goodnight sweet peas,

I love you , I love you my sweet girls.
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

October 27

Hey girls,

I'm really sorry this is going to be a short post again, I had continuing ed for over 12 hours today , and I am so so very tired and don't feel well at all. I'm so sorry my sweet girls...I'll write more tomorrow.

Goodnight my sweet beautiful girls, I truly love and miss you both so much.
Anyways & forever

Xoxo, mommy
"I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."

October 26

Hey love bugs,

Mommy has a long day of continuing end tomorrow, so I am very ready to go to bed. I will be gone for about 16 hours tomorrow... LONG day.

So i am writing to say goodnight and i love you both very dearly. Goodnight my beautiful angels, may I dream of you tonight. Thank you for another day today, for another day of watching over us.

I love you so so much girls.
Always & forever

Xoxo,mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be..."

October 25

My sweet girls,

I love you. I just want you to know that. I feel cheated , I feel you are cheated. Because i can write you on here and tell you, and I can pray and talk to you somewhat, but it's not the way of showing you how much you are loved in the ways you should be. My dear girls, I can only hope you know how much you are, how much you are loved and missed, and cherished in every way possible.

Goodnight my beautiful angels,I miss you so much and hope to dream of you tonight.
Thank you for watching over us, and taking care of us.
I love you baby girls, i love you both so very much.

Always &forever
Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.. "