January 12.2015.. 2 Years.

Another year has passed, another year without you here.

Today was different. I'm not quite sure what i expected today to feel like.. I feel like ive been anticipating a break down, but i don't think that really happened until we went to send off your lanterns.

Its been a rainy, foggy, cold day today. I was worried the lanterns wouldn't take off, but they did girls. We watched them until they disappeared again, like last year. Your cousin Delaney was a little confused about why we were doing them, and why i was crying.. I know its too hard for her to understand.. I mean most days i dont even understand.

Im just so grateful for this family i have, we have girls. How everyone cares & loves you both so much. That they acknowledge you, and say your names, and talk about you both with me.. it means so much more then any one of them will ever know. Because although you may not be here in person Alena and Jamie, you are always here in spirit, and alive in my heart.

I love you my beautiful baby girls, and not a day goes by that my heart doesnt ache for you, that my hands want to reach for you, that my lips want to kiss you..

I love you, i love you, i love you.. Always & forever

xoxo, my baby girls.. 

Momma loves and misses you sweet babies.

Happy Birthday my Loves..

" I ll love you forever

I ll like you for always

As long as im living 

My babies youll be.."

January 3.2014

Hey my pretty girls,

Tonight has been a night filled of thinking about you both.

These triggers come out of nowhere, and just hit you so hard and take you down so fast.. You don't expect them so you can't be prepared, you just get plowed down. Sometimes I'm sure I set myself up for some, or make myself think about some.. Idk if that sounds masachistic or what, but I just need the pain, need the hurt at times.. Need to remember all those feelings.. Need to make myself feel it girls..

I miss you both so much, I really truly just miss you more then I can say. I miss you, I miss you ., I miss you.

I love you Alena Marie and Jamie Rae,
My girls.. My beautiful baby girls.. My little butterflies

May my love for you be so strong that you feel it in your hearts always, and know momma is always with you baby girls.

I love you
Always & forever

Xoxo, mommy

" I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be.."